


More than Lovers

by moodbyul



Category: Mamamoo
Genre: Angst, Angst and Humor, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Post-Break Up, angry byul beating up eric just because
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-22
Updated: 2019-05-22
Packaged: 2020-03-09 14:30:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 25,660
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18918910
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moodbyul/pseuds/moodbyul
Summary: She left, leaving her to pick herself up, then came crashing back into her life once more; stronger than ever.





	More than Lovers

**Author's Note:**

> Post Break-Up fic of Byulyi trying to get herself together again, but crumbles down at a single sight of Yongsun.
> 
> WARNING: SELF-HARMING TENDENCIES AND PHYSICAL/EMOTIONAL ABUSE MENTIONED. DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE UNCOMFORTABLE WITH THIS.

“Let’s break up.”

 

The night was cold, and the only warmth radiating was from their bodies sprawled across one another in the thick comfy blankets of Byulyi’s bed. Byulyi shifted a little with Yongsun still wrapped tightly in her arms, eyes fluttering open drowsily then shutting it close again. She hummed, as if she was expecting the words anytime.

 

“I don’t want to,” Byulyi mumbled, pulling Yongsun closer and resting her face in her hair. She breathed, and she smelled like strawberries and cream. Byulyi knew it was coming anytime, but being stabbed in the gut still hurt after all. The night was cold, very cold.

 

Yongsun stayed, gripping the fabric against Byulyi and shuffled closer. It wasn’t an overnight decision; she had been thinking long and hard about this. A month, or two, or more, but she could never bring it up whenever she saw Byul smiling at her like that - like she was her whole world. It broke her heart whenever Byulyi would bring her across cities just to celebrate her birthday, reserving at diners to let her try food that she hadn’t before, standing under the starry night and gazing into her as if the galaxy were in her eyes instead. The tendencies to just break it off only got worse recently, when everything was threatening to overflow right in front of her.

 

She was nothing but nice to her. Byul was perfect. And Yongsun would never want to hurt Byulyi - her Byulyi - in any way, how could she ever? She’d be the worst person on Earth to do that.

 

She really was.

 

Yongsun buried herself in Byulyi’s neck and breathed against the latter. She smelled like citrus mixed with flowers; orange and blossoms in fact.

 

“I’m leaving.” Yongsun nuzzled into Byulyi’s neck and planted a kiss.

 

The knife in Byulyi’s gut twisted further as she drifted off to sleep, tired of putting a front that she was happy when she knew what was going to come eventually.

* * *

Morning came and the sunlight spilled through the white curtains, painting Byulyi’s face with a slight annoyance. She eventually got up and sat in her bed for a good several minutes, soaking in the fact that the other side of the bed was empty and was going to be empty for the longest time.

 

Devastated was how she’d describe what she was feeling, but she couldn’t quite find the strength to cry nor tear up at her own cruel fate. Yongsun was everything to her. And now everything had left her, she didn’t know what to do - especially when it was Sunday and there was nothing to keep her distracted from her world slowly crashing and burning in front of her.

 

She got up to change eventually. Moving towards her closet, she noticed the usual doll that hung on the handle was missing. _It was Yongsun’s._ Dreadingly, she opened up her closet and searched for clothes to change into. It wasn’t part of her daily routine, but she wanted to know just how much of everything was gone. _Her clothes, her scent, her dolls, her belongings - anything. Just anything, please, leave me something._

 

The usual pair of toothbrushes in the toilet were left with just hers, the sweet aroma from the perfume Yongsun always wore were replaced with just hers, the usual pile of clothes on the couch were left with just hers, the couple mugs they shared were left with just hers, and everything else they had in a pair were left with just hers, just like the ring she had on her finger.

 

There were no traces left. The only thing remaining were memories; and even all that felt like a dream, a passing storm.

 

 _She’s gone._ Byulyi turned the TV on and chewed on the cold sandwich she had saved in the fridge from last night. The news flashed, then some romance drama, and finally some action movie was airing. She wasn’t too particularly interested in whatever was showing, mindlessly pressing away the buttons on the remote. _She’s gone._ The thoughts kept invading her mind. She stopped her fingers from pressing the buttons and rested her hand back down. The sandwich tasted bland, and nothing could catch her attention from swaying back to the overwhelming emptiness in her. _She’s gone._ By sheer force, she managed to swallow the bread with the lump in her throat, and warm droplets started streaming down her face. _Everything’s gone._

* * *

The next few days, Byulyi had called in sick for work. She wasn’t lying when she said she was, though. There was no way she could’ve worked with her current state of mind elsewhere from the stove she’d been trying to start up for the past 10 minutes.

 

 _Nothing seems to be working._ Byulyi wasn’t suicidal, nothing like that. But maybe the emptiness was killing her that she needed something else to make her feel again. Maybe that explained the cuts on her arm and the blood dripping from her wrist onto the stove (that she’s trying her best to start up to cook a pack of noodles for herself). Maybe she just needed a pain bigger than the one in her heart to move on. Maybe. What did she know, now that she’s all lost and alone?

 

For several days, Byulyi was cleaning up all the messes that she had been making around the apartment. Sometimes the food that she spilled by accident, sometimes her tears, sometimes her blood stained floors, other times her laundry and the dust around the house. For several days, she’d been thinking about how to be strong from then on. For several days, she’d been thinking about how to live again, and she decided that her first step was covering up her scars and pretending everything was fine when she headed to work the next day.

 

The night was cold. The curtains swayed as the night wind infiltrated her home. Byulyi tucked herself in bed. With no body to hug for the night, she was exceptionally cold - freezing, in fact - but she was certain that she would be able to radiate her own warmth again. _Slowly, but surely._

* * *

Morning came again, except Byulyi was earlier than her alarm this time. She seemed particularly energetic to go to work than the other days, perhaps eager to get away from the drowning feeling she got whenever she was alone and cooped up in this home filled with too much memories.

 

She got her usual coffee, got on her usual commute, and greeted the same usual people on the way to work. Smile beaming brightly like before as her coworkers complimented on her fresh look. The only notable difference was the bandage wrapped around her wrist which only Wheein seemed to notice.

 

The shorter girl chirped, “Oh, Unnie! What happened to your hand?” as she rushed over to check on the blond.

 

Byulyi pulled her hand back slow enough for the younger girl not to notice that she was startled. “It’s nothing, really. Just a fracture,” she flashed a smile at Wheein, “Don’t worry about it.”

 

The brunette frowned when she pulled away, grabbing her wrist to inspect it again, “How did this even happen? You sure you’re okay? This looks pretty bad.”

 

“I’m fine, really. I just… fell down the stairs,” Byulyi pulled her hand back for the second time, afraid that Wheein would accidentally peel the wrapping off.

 

“...You? Fell down the stairs?” she laughed, “What are you, 5?”

 

“Hey,” Byulyi snapped, “Can’t a person live?”

 

Wheein giggled again, trying to hold back her laughter, “Alright, alright. But can you work though?”

 

Byulyi lifted her hand and flicked Wheein on her forehead, “We’re accountants, not MMA fighters. I’ll be fine, stop worrying.” She smirked.

 

The day went by smoothly, smoother than expected even. With work to keep her busy, her mind wasn’t wandering off to places they shouldn’t be. Byulyi wondered what she should eat as she started packing up to head home. She was about to head to the nearest Macdonald’s when Wheein popped her head over her cubicle and suggested eating together at the nearest gopchang house.

 

“My treat,” she exclaimed as she ducked her head back down to pack up as well, “You think I’m blind? I could see your puffy eyes and sadness overflowing from 10 miles away.”

 

Usually Byulyi would retort back, but she caught herself unable to reply this time. “And I know that’s not a fracture. Nobody wraps a fracture like that, dummy.” Byulyi snickered, she knew Wheein would find out sooner or later. “I dance for a hobby, I know what fractures look like,” the brunette continued, emphasizing on the word ‘fracture’ one too many times.

 

Byulyi grinned, picked up her bag and stood, “Alright, you got me. Can’t hide anything from the Great Ol’ Wheein,” she gestured and rolled her eyes. “Since you offered, I’m gonna drink your paycheck away.”

 

Wheein’s head shot up from the next cubicle, looking deadpanned as she pleaded monotonously, “Oh, please spare me.”

 

They headed over to the meat house Wheein suggested, making small talks along the way and going into details at just the tip of the iceberg to start the engines for later.

 

It didn’t take long for Byulyi to start drinking her fill, though she had to down almost half a bottle of soju before it got her tipsy enough to spill everything.

 

The distressed blond shook her head, attempting to rid the dizziness. “I mean, I know it was coming. She had that look on her face whenever she thinks I’m not looking,” She took another shot, “But what can I say? ‘Babe, are you breaking up with me’?” Byulyi almost let out a cry.

 

Wheein gave her a pat on the back, it hurt seeing her favourite senior at work like this. It wasn’t a common sight for Byulyi to let her emotions loose at all. She was always prim and proper, ready to help anyone out whenever she could. The reliable one, that’s what they’d call her. It just seemed surreal to Wheein that ‘the reliable one’ wasn’t living up to the name right now.

 

“So I just… waited. I waited, and waited, and waited, and everyday… everyday was so painful,” Byulyi looked up at Wheein, her blond hair disheveled from shaking her head a bit too much. She placed her head down again, “It’s like, waiting for a shot to come at you. And when the bullet hits, it hurts, Wheein. It hurts so much. It’s like a trainwreck in slow motion.”

 

Letting out a sigh, Wheein rubbed circles on her senior’s shoulder. “It’s alright, let it out,” Wheein urged, “You’ll be fine. You’ll be fine, I’m here for you.” This really wasn’t a sight she could get used to. She hoped that Byulyi would recover from this soon, and she would do her best to help her through it.

 

Byulyi sniffed, though she wasn’t really crying, “Is it… Is it because I’m a girl? Because we’re not normal in society’s eyes? What is it? What is it, Yong, what is it? Tell me!” Setting the cup aside, Byulyi took a whiff from the bottle instead.

 

Wheein rushed in to stop her from downing the whole bottle by herself, “Hey! If you’re gonna drink like that I’m not paying!” she threatened. More worried about her friend getting wasted than anything. That’d mean more problems for the both of them later on.

 

“Sorry,” Byulyi apologised, and returned to sulking.

 

Wheein sighed for the nth time that night. She set the bottle down and removed it from Byulyi’s grip. “I know you’re upset but you can’t beat yourself up like this,” Wheein nagged as she poured herself a cup, “I mean, from what you’ve told me, you’re barely at fault! What did you do? Set her house on fire?”

 

Byulyi was slowly becoming unintelligible as the alcohol kicked in, mumbling something along the lines of, “Being born a girl.”

 

Seeing the conversation slowly dying out, Wheein got up and paid for the bill, slinging Byulyi over her shoulder as she got into the cab with her. By some miracle, the driver was able to make out the address that came out of Byulyi’s mouth and they sped over quickly before Byulyi could be anymore of a mess in the cab.

 

When they got over to Byulyi’s apartment, Wheein barely got her back home in one piece. Byulyi had told her where her card was in her purse, and she had to fumble with the door handle before pushing her way in. For someone as small as her, she had managed to drag Byulyi across her home and throw her on her bed.

 

She heaved a sigh, taking a quick look at the taller blond before removing her shoes and tucking her in properly. The brunette left not long after making a bowl of porridge and shoving it into the emptiest fridge she’d seen in her life, sticking a note on eye level of said refrigerator. ‘Heat it up. Eat well.’ she wrote.

* * *

The very same sunlight greeted Byulyi’s face again and she grimaced in annoyance once more. Only this time, she woke up with a throbbing headache and an unsettling stomach. She sat up, trying to recall how much she’d drank the previous night, not before remembering she had work to attend.

 

Panicking, she crawled over to her bag and pulled out her phone only to be greeted by Wheein’s messages.

 

“sleep well?” _8:12 a.m_.

 

“maybe not, you were wasted as heck, lolol.” _8:14 a.m_.

 

“left some porridge in the fridge. heat it up before eating. your stomach must be feeling like shit.” _8:15 a.m._

 

“told boss your hand was hurting like mad. he believed me, lolol.” _8:15 a.m._

 

“take the day to rest. you need it.” _8:16 a.m._

 

Byulyi lifted her hand up to rub her temples, trying her best to soothe the throbbing headache she had. She sighed, thankful for everything Wheein had done for her.

 

“Thanks a bunch. I owe you.” _10:56 a.m._

 

She was about to put her phone down when a ping caught her by surprise.

 

“you better. love ya.” _10:56 a.m._

 

Shuffling out of bed, Byulyi made her way to the cabinet where she stocked up on medical supplies. She pulled out a bunch of pills: _paracetamol, aspirin, charcoal, panadol, hangover pills,_ shoving away the ones she didn’t need. She popped open a few, not sure if she even got the right ones but she didn’t care anymore at the point. If her head wasn’t killing her, then her stomach was making her want to stab herself.

 

Byulyi made her way to the kitchen, heating up the porridge that Wheein had left overnight as instructed. She loved the kid, and she was so grateful to have her by her side. She really ought to bring her out some day.

 

The porridge didn’t taste as bland as she’d thought. Wheein was surprisingly a better cook than she’d expected when she finished the bowl of food. Or maybe she just missed the taste of home cooked food, like how Yongsun had always prepared meals in the kitchen for her.

 

Shaking away the thought, Byulyi quickly got up to wash the dishes. At first, it was just reminiscent. She’d pictured Yongsun hugging her waist as she did the dishes. Yongsun watching her as she ate happily. Yongsun splashing water at her playfully. Yongsun breaking some plates by accident. Yongsun, Yongsun, Yongsun.

 

Byulyi put the dishes on the rack, and headed into the living room to chill out for the day. She saw Yongsun again. Yongsun lying down on the couch. Yongsun watching her favourite  television drama. Yongsun cuddling up against her. Yongsun, Yongsun, Yongsun. Byulyi rubbed her eyes, curling up on the couch as she turned the TV on.

 

She hated this place; her home. She certainly didn’t hate it before, but now it was just permanently stained with memories of a certain someone that could never come back. Byulyi rubbed the ring on her finger mindlessly, and she saw many other Yongsuns scuttling around the house, all of which a vision that happened at different timelines. She was everywhere in her mind, and she could never escape from it.

 

It wasn’t as if Yongsun had blocked her off social media or her number. Byulyi could’ve contacted her if she wanted. _I respect what she wants. I’m not going to call her,_ she said inwardly as she continued scrolling through Yongsun’s instagram like all other people do to their exes.

 

Byulyi had found out that Yongsun wasn’t in such a fantastic mood either right after the break up. She’d gone to places that they never did and tried to cheer herself up too. _She’s strong._ She had lots of fun the past few days all thanks to the guy named Eric, who made her forget about all her pain and worries. _She’s someone I could never be._ She was slowly falling in love again. _She’s moving on._

 

 _What’s so great about him anyway? He has small beady eyes, a sharp nose, the sharpest jawline I’ve ever seen, pouty lips that look like she can kiss forever. Okay, so what if he’s good looking?_ Byulyi tapped on her camera app, prompting it to open and swapping it to the front cam. She made a few faces, turned her face in several angles that captured her jawline as well. _I’m good looking too. I’m sure I can be better._ She sighed, putting her phone to her chest. _What is it that he has, that I don’t? A dick?_

 

It’d only been a few days, Yongsun couldn’t already be falling in love, could she? _She could. I know her._ Unless he was already there from the start. _Unless he was already there from the start._

 

Byulyi gripped her head, pulling her hair as all sorts of thoughts kept seeping into her mind. _Stop it._ She picked up the nearest object that she could grab, which happened to be Yongsun’s favourite lamp, and tossed it across the room. The impact against the wall caused the lamp to shatter, the sound of crashing glass and plastic rang in her ears. She wanted to drown the noise griping in her head. Anything would be better than listening to her insecurities and doubts right now. Desperate, she pinned her hand against her shirt and screamed in the direction she threw the poor lamp at (as loud as she could).

 

“‘Scuse me! You’re being really loud there!” a muffled raspy yell came from the other side of the wall.

 

Byulyi gasped, catching her breath as she tried to regain her composure. “I’m sorry!” she yelled back.

 

She sat for a little longer to clear her thoughts before standing up to clean up the mess. She was about to pick up the broken pieces of the lamp when came a ring at the door. Byulyi left the business undone and hurried over, wondering what it might be. She didn’t order takeout nor anything online these days.

 

She turned the handle and peeked through the gap. It was a dark skinned lady, just slightly shorter than she was. Her hair was black, long and wavy and Byulyi couldn’t tell if she was pissed or she was just one of those people who had a really strong resting bitch face.

 

“Hey,” she started, her voice similar to the one that just yelled from the other side, “I heard crashing and screaming. You okay?” The lady raised a brow, her voice tinted with concern, and she’d genuinely look caring if she wasn’t born with such a scary face. Byulyi noted she just had a really strong resting bitch face. Otherwise, it was nice of her to ask.

 

Byulyi scratched her head as she let out an exasperated sigh, “I… Sorry, it’s just… It’s a mess. I’ve been a mess these days. I’m really sorry.”

 

The lady softened her expression, looking kind of sorry for Byulyi. “Hey, it’s alright. Bad things happen,” she reached her hand out, gesturing for the homeowner to shake it, “I’m Hyejin. I just moved in next door recently.”

 

Byulyi shook her hand. “Byulyi. I’ve been living here for a while. I’m really sorry for that earlier, it’s not like that everyday,” she apologised again.

 

“Need a listening ear?” Hyejin offered, smiling at her. She was surprisingly calm for someone who’d just met a disheveled looking, screaming, yelling, lamp throwing, neighbour.

 

“I- No- I-It’s alright, re-” Byulyi stuttered, but she was brutally shoved aside before she could finish as Hyejin made room for herself inside her apartment. The raven headed woman glanced around, nodding at the state the environment was in and eventually landed her eyes on the crime scene that had been committed earlier.

 

There were stains on the table, some dust collected in the corner that didn’t look like they were even cleaned properly, clothes lying around, pots and dishes unwashed, and an opened bag of chips lying on the floor. And of course, the poor lamp that did nothing wrong and was reduced to nothing but bits and pieces. “You live here,” Hyejin blatantly stated, “This place’s a shithole.” Byulyi watched as she started rolling her sleeve up and made her way into the kitchen. “Where are your rags? And your cleaning agents, stuffs like that,” she yelled demandingly across the rooms.

 

“B-Behind the cabinet!” Byulyi found herself answering to her, for some reason she couldn’t quite seem to be able to deny her strong presence. She moved over to where Hyejin had went to help her find what she was looking for. For someone she’d just met a few minutes ago, Hyejin was already making herself at home.

 

Hyejin reappeared with gloves in hand, cleaning agents, rags, newspaper and some mask to put on later. “Gear up, we’re turning this place upside down,” she ordered as she handed Byulyi the gloves and rags.

 

It took them several hours to be able to turn the shithole into some less of a shithole. Hyejin was extremely diligent when it came to cleaning someone else’s home, cleaning every nook and cranny of the apartment and making sure everything was speckled and clean.

 

Several times when Byulyi was zoning out reminiscing about Yongsun at certain items or places, Hyejin would snap her out of it and told her to get to cleaning. _Yongsun loved cleani-_ “Hey, get back to work,” She was great at keeping her in track, and she really appreciated the help Hyejin was giving her. It was a good distraction to stop thinking about Yongsun all the time.

 

Hyejin plopped down onto the couch, typed the last sentence on her phone and sent it to the recipient. She seemed pretty excited while texting them right after they were done cleaning. _Probably her boyfriend._ Byulyi came over and offered Hyejin some snacks and drinks, thanking her for her help and exchanged a proper greeting and introduction again.

 

“What? You’re younger than me?” Byulyi exclaimed, she didn’t think someone younger would be barging into her room, fixing, and getting her shit together for her. If she wasn’t embarrassed before, she sure was now.

 

For a while, they shared joy and laughter, talking about things that they liked and disliked. They got along better than Byulyi thought they would, and Hyejin surprisingly had a lot in common with her. They both liked animals, jazz music, shared common tastes in food, went to similar places in town, and even worked in the same company once. Eventually when they ran out of stories to tell, they’d link up something else to talk about, like their favourite movie actors and such.

 

Again, the doorbell rang and Byulyi excused herself to get the door. As soon as Byulyi opened it, Wheein loudly exclaimed as she pushed her way in, “Woohoo! I brought what you asked for!”

 

Byulyi looked slightly puzzled. She hadn’t asked Wheein to come by today but noticed she wasn’t even looking in her direction and started trotting over to Hyejin. “Aw yeah! Comfort food for Byulyi-unnie!” Hyejin chirped along.

 

“You guys know each other?” Byulyi closed the door gently and asked, still confused over the commotion.

 

Wheein started unpacking the food, bringing out some samgyetang, ddeokbokki, and gopchang, and _is that flavoured squid?_ “Yeah, I realised she lived next door when I brought you home yesterday. I was wondering why the apartment looked so familiar. I wasn’t late for work ‘cus I managed to sleep over at Hyejin’s last night.” Wheein replied, casually moving into the kitchen to grab some bowls and plates.

 

“So you already knew,” Byulyi said, to Hyejin in particular.

 

Hyejin was already digging in with her bare hands, slurping some sauce on her finger as she opened up another packet of fried chicken. “Not really. Wheein didn’t go into details. Just something along ‘Unnie got wasted and I have work tomorrow, let me stay over?’” Wheein came back with the plates and set them down. Byulyi came over and sat with them as well, helping them unwrap the packets and pouring them into the bowls. “It was just a hunch that you went through a break up. I mean, it’s written all over your face, unnie,” Hyejin added, rubbing salt on her wound.

 

“Right?” Wheein continued, squeezing the lemons onto the salt.

 

“Okay, okay! I concede,” Byulyi playfully laughed along, “I can see why you guys are friends.”

 

“Hey, we’ve all been through it at least once. We know how it feels like to be alone,” Hyejin said, putting the slice of chicken meat into her mouth.

 

Wheein blew onto the spoonful of soup as she added, “We’re here for you unnie. Fighting!”

 

Byulyi appreciated them. She really did. For some reason, she couldn’t fathom what had happened to these younglings before. Break ups? Depression? At their age? What had they been through to be able to garner all this strength to help another? They’re younger, but they’re definitely more experienced than she was, and she figured age wasn’t really a matter anymore.

 

“Drop the formalities,” Byulyi said, peeling the beautiful skin off the fried chicken. And thus, began the start of another beautiful friendship.

* * *

Time passed and Byulyi was recovering faster with Wheein and Hyejin by her side. It’d been a couple of months since the break up and she found herself slowly picking herself up again as she continued to stride on with the kids supporting her.

 

Occasionally, she’d look at Yongsun’s social media and found out that she’d been attached to said guy, Eric. ‘ _Thanks for all the time you’ve been here’. And what about the times I’ve been there?_ Byulyi swiped the app away, closing it before she got anymore depressed than she already was. She figured she was never moving on at this rate. How could she? _How could she?_

 

There were other times when Yongsun’s posts weren’t exactly too lively like the earlier months she and Eric had been together. Byulyi noticed as time went by, that Yongsun had started to post lesser and lesser pictures of them together. Sometimes, she would post something at 3am, captioned it with, “Did I make the right choice?” or “I wish I’d never left” then delete it off a few minutes later.

 

A part of Byulyi would want to drop her a message and tell her to come back to her, but the other part was telling her to let her go since she’d already made the choice. She didn’t know what was going on in her life, and she didn’t need to. She didn’t have the right to. So instead of reaching out, she’d shut her phone and go back to sleep.

* * *

 

Several more months flew by and Byulyi was doing so much better than before. She was eating well, she wasn’t moping anymore and she was even in the same dance group as Wheein to ‘get more involved in communities’ she’d say.

 

It’d only been 5 months since Byulyi had joined the dance group and she was already picking things up as quick as a panther. In a short span of time Byulyi had already picked up popping, locking, a little bit of voguing, and hip hop. Even Wheein was surprised to see how easy it was to rope Byulyi into the team, since the last time she had asked Hyejin she was rejected more than several times.

 

“You’re on fire today, unnie,” Wheein gasped, catching her breath as she handed Byulyi a bottle of water and gulping down another’s content for herself.

 

Byulyi popped the cap, twisted it open and took a similar route of action as Wheein did. “Was I?” Byulyi let out a contented sigh. A bottle of ice cold water always did the trick after practice.

 

Panting, Wheein nodded. “At this rate, you might even become better than I am,” she praised. She was the top dancer of the group and it was amazing even to her that Byulyi was improving at light speed.

 

“No way. I can’t do half the body wave you’re doing,” Byulyi laughed, denying that she was improving that quickly. She wasn’t one to know how to receive compliments, especially when she was usually the one who gave them out.

 

Something, or rather someone, caught her attention in the corner of her eye. Byulyi shifted her attention to the figure. She had big eyes, straight nose, chubby cheeks and thin lips. Her skin was pale, dazzling with sweat and her jet black hair bounced as she danced. Byulyi turned back to Wheein, gesturing her head to the girl at the other end of the room, as if asking who she was.

 

“Oh, that’s Seulgi. She’s from the salsa class. She does hip hop from time to time. Good, isn’t she?” Wheein rambled as Byulyi took a long look at the slender woman across the room. She was stunning, and she almost felt as if she was pulling her in.

 

Wheein perked up, staring as her senior at work started strutting her way over. “Oh, would you look at that. That’s bold,” she said to no one in particular. She smirked, pulling out her phone to snap a picture to send to Hyejin. ‘love’s on the way,’ she captioned it before sending it over.

 

Byulyi gulped, she hadn’t felt nervous in a long while. Seulgi had seen the blond coming into frame through the mirror and she’d paused everything she was doing before turning to greet Byulyi.

 

“Hey,” Byulyi started, “You’re good. My name’s Byulyi,” she continued as she held her hand out.

 

Seulgi smiled sheepishly, seemingly shy at her sudden approach. “Thank you,” she shook her hand. “My name is Seulgi. I haven’t seen you around before.”

 

“Oh, I started recently. 5 months ago, actually,” Byulyi replied. Her heart skipped a bit. Seulgi was surprisingly cute upfront, though her chubby cheeks did remind her of a certain someone. A 6 year long relationship was hard to get over after all. She passed her bottle of water over, half its content already gone, “You mind?”

 

Seulgi gladly accepted the drink from her hand, “Not at all,” she uncapped the bottle and gulped the rest of the contents down, “I was extremely thirsty. That was very much appreciated,” she laughed shyly as she placed the empty bottle down.

 

Byulyi gulped again, studying her figure as she moved. Her heart was beating abnormally fast. Was it already this hot in here that her lips are drying? She stuck her tongue out to lick her lips, accidentally biting it while fumbling for words to say to the charming lady. Did she say charming? She suddenly wished there was another bottle of water lying around so she could pour it all over herself.

 

“Y-You free after?” Byulyi finally stuttered, “Wheein and I are getting supper.” She paused for a moment then gesturing over at the younger girl at the other end of the room, “Oh, that’s Wheein, by the way.”

 

Seulgi giggled. Oh god, even her laugh was adorable. _Really, Moon Byulyi?_ “I know Wheein. We’ve met several times while passing by,” Seulgi waved at the lone brunette, whom then waved back. “Sure, I’ll join if there’s room for me,” she smiled sweetly, her eye shapes turning into crescents as she beamed brightly at her.

 

“Of course!” Byulyi replied almost too excitedly, “I mean, sure, there’s room. Right, Wheein?” she turned over to the person in question and raised her voice at the last part.

 

“Huh? Oh, yeah,” Wheein looked up, not sure what they were talking about but she’d never not agree to anything Byulyi said anyway.

 

“Great. I’ll see you in 20?” Seulgi said as she started packing up.

 

Byulyi nodded, acting cooly and rubbing her neck, “Y-Yeah. Yeah. See you in a bit.”

 

The moment Seulgi left the room, Byulyi quickly did a 180 and pumped her fist downwards, skipping over back to her friend.

 

“That went well,” Wheein looked at her smugly.

 

Byulyi was in smiles and giggles. Wheein hadn’t seen her like that in a long time, and it was a refreshing sight. She smiled back, hoping Seulgi would stay for a long time.

 

“You never told me there was such a cute girl around,” Byulyi stated, her face dazzling at something - someone - else.

 

Wheein shrugged, turning back to her phone, “Didn’t think you’d be interested.”

 

Byulyi eyed her, giving her an exasperated look but was clearly disregarded since Wheein wasn’t even paying attention to her.

 

Ever since she got a new cat, she wouldn’t stop talking about it to Hyejin. It hit the point where Hyejin had to buy a lion plush to relate to her on that level. Girl sadly had allergies and couldn’t get a pet as much as she wanted to. They even told Byulyi to get a pet of her own, a companion of sorts. She laughed it off, saying something like unable to handle herself and ‘how can I take care of another when I’m already a wreck?’.

 

“I was moping, not aromantic,” she stated, “Humans are social creatures. We should interact often.”

 

“Uh-huh. The last time I introduced you to Vernon you didn’t seem too interested,” Wheein eyed her back.

 

“We’re half a generation apart,” Byulyi retorted, deadpanned.

 

“And _we_ are a third of a generation apart,” Wheein said, in an as-a-matter-of-fact tone. “Everyone knows you’re just gay and misandrous.”

 

Byulyi held a finger up, “First of all, I am bisexual,” she stated, then holding two fingers up, “Secondly, I don’t hate all men. Only most.”

 

“Sureeee,” sarcasm overloaded from Wheein as she continued texting Hyejin about Kkomo.

 

Supper was amazing. The three of them got to know more about each other, Byulyi finding out that Wheein and Seulgi could actually sing, Seulgi was kind of a klutz but a hard worker, adding to the plus point that she was cute, Byulyi did rap as a hobby in the past, and they exchanged facts and interests about themselves. 

 

“Woah, I can’t believe we never hung out before, Seulgi-unnie!” Wheein exclaimed, shoving a piece of freshly grilled meat into her mouth, “We have so much in common!”

 

Seulgi giggled, “Right? I was surprised too. Byulyi-unnie really brings people together.”

 

“Ay, no way,” Byulyi denied. “I just wanted to get to know a cute girl,” she said as she petted Seulgi on her head.

 

Seulgi blushed, bringing her hand to her mouth and looking across over at Wheein. “I-Is she always like this?” pointing at Byulyi by her side.

 

Wheein nodded, her cheeks full of food. She couldn’t let it go to waste, especially when Byulyi is treating. “Yeah. It gets worse if she’s with someone she likes,” she blurted out.

 

Byulyi turned over, stared at Seulgi playfully, and smirked, wiggling her brows as she joked along.

 

Seulgi slapped her lightly on her arm, laughing as she struggled to chew on the meat. “Hey! That’s weird!” she laughed.

 

Eventually when they had their fill of laughter and food, Byulyi got up to foot the bill. Before they parted ways, Byulyi headed up to Seulgi and asked for her phone, keying in her number and telling her to text her back when she got home.

 

Seulgi felt heat rushing up her cheeks, thinking back to the conversation earlier - something about Byulyi, something real smooth with people she liked, something. Her head was clouded by the sweet gesture that Byulyi had shown her. She nodded at Byulyi, saying their byes as they went their separate ways.

* * *

 

Days turned into weeks, then into months. The first message that Seulgi sent to Byulyi was a boomerang video with a cute filter on, which prompted Byulyi to play along and do the same. Small talks turned into long ones, long ones into deep ones, venturing and exploring each other’s scars and memories.

 

Even though Byulyi had let Seulgi into her life, she wasn’t too ready to let her guards down. She let her knew what hurt her and what could hurt her, but she never gave her the weapon to. She was afraid of having another knife twisted in her gut again, having to carefully remove it despite the pain, and having to treat it all over again. She was afraid of getting hurt again and again.

 

It wasn’t like Byulyi was hiding her feelings from Seulgi, and it wasn’t as if Seulgi wasn’t aware of it either. Gradually, Seulgi had started to return the feelings to Byulyi as well.

 

Blame it on the constant flirting, or her good looks, or her kindness and selflessness, but Seulgi was sure she’d like to spend the rest of her life with Byulyi if only she didn’t seem so distanced at the same time.

 

Every time the laughter died down, Byulyi would have a longing look on her face, as if reminiscing something from the past. Her gaze was far away, and it was almost as if she wasn’t there at the present, like she was bounded by her past.

 

Seulgi liked Byulyi. She didn’t deny it when Byulyi asked her about it either. “I really like you,” Byulyi gazed into her dark brown eyes, all mesmerised and in awe. Her hand was on her chin, supporting her weight as leaned on the table, observing the younger woman by her side.

 

Seulgi smiled solemnly. She really liked her too; but one thing that never failed her was her hunch, and her hunch was telling her they weren’t meant to be together. Not now, at least.

 

“I like you too, Unnie,” Seulgi reached out for Byulyi’s free hand and pulled it to her lips. She gave it a gentle kiss and rested it against the side of her cheeks as she continued caressing it. “But we can’t be together,” she calmly spoke.

 

“Why is it?” Byulyi questioned. Her gaze was piercing through Seulgi and she was sure that she wasn’t even looking at her at all, and neither was she in the present anymore.

 

Seulgi returned her gaze, with eyes that spelled apologetic and helplessness. “You’re so far away, unnie,” she broke the news to her, “It’s like you’re stuck somewhere, unable to move on.”

 

Her thoughts were suddenly cleared, Seulgi’s truth pierced her as the mental image of Seulgi replacing Yongsun was shattered. Byulyi looked up at her again, gaze affirmative. “I’m right here, aren’t I?,” she asked, unsure if she really was. She needed confirmation.

 

Seulgi brought her hand to her lips again, giving it another gentle kiss. “You’re not,” she said, “You’re not really here. Not yet.”

 

Seulgi was right: Byulyi wasn’t moving at all, not ever since the day Yongsun had left.

 

She realised just how selfish she was, pulling Seulgi into her mess when she hadn’t even figured out a percentile of it. She was busy convincing herself, lying to herself, comforting herself that she had moved on when she clearly hadn’t when she’d stay up late every night to watch out for Yongsun’s sudden updates.

 

She was busy telling herself she was fine while continuously thinking about how Yongsun would’ve loved the new sneakers she’d bought. She was busy patting herself on the back for moving on when she’d just copy and pasted Yongsun’s face onto Seulgi’s in the present. She was horrible, almost pushing Seulgi into the role of rebound.

 

Byulyi shifted her hand, cupping Seulgi’s face before sitting up straight and apologised. “... Right. … You’re right, Seulgi. I’m… I’m sorry,” she paused, fumbling for words, “It’s not fair for you when you’re ready to put everything on the line... while I’m still wavering.”

 

“I… I still think about her. I still do. I still wonder, what was it that I didn’t have, what was it that I was lacking,” Byulyi continued, “And amidst all that, I never considered your feelings. I was so concerned with myself that I almost… I almost used you… hurt you. I-” she shook her head, struggling to find her words. “I’m sorry Seulgi. I’m really sorry.”

 

Seulgi squeezed her hand, reassuring her. “You’re fine the way you are, unnie. You’re beautiful in your own way, with your scars and whatnot. Everyone is always lacking in something, but that shouldn’t be the reason why it should hold you back.”

 

“I’m scared,” Byulyi teared up, thinking back about the time Yongsun had left her.

 

Seulgi rubbed her tears away. “I know,” she said and pulled Byulyi into a hug, tucking the blond under her chin. She smoothed her hair like a child and rubbed circles on her back while she watched her cry silently.

 

It was then Byulyi learned to differentiate the meaning behind love and infatuation, how it was possible to hurt someone else if she was too focused on herself, and how covering up the wounds wouldn’t necessarily heal it.

 

However, her efforts from marching forward weren’t exactly fruitless. Sure, she was beaten and bloodied, but her wounds were slowly healing overtime as well.

 

Things that were supposed to hurt her didn’t hurt as much now - kind of like learning how to deal with a bruise, or a cut. But it didn’t mean she was ready to take another blow to her gut, and that was okay. Byulyi learned that it was okay to be afraid of certain things sometimes.

* * *

 

Summer passed, then Autumn, Winter, and she was greeted by Spring again. Ever since the day she broke down in front of Seulgi, she stopped looking at Yongsun’s stories, she stopped letting Yongsun in her mind, and she stopped thinking about her in every context possible. It was hard at first, but slowly and with constant self reminders, she had managed to  force her out of her mind.

 

Byulyi and Seulgi remained close friends since, often sharing secrets and problems with each other, though never really crossing the line beyond lovers. There were Wheein and Hyejin as well, but she didn’t want to bother them much when they already had each other on their plate.

 

Byulyi was texting Seulgi about the heavy rain while heading home from work and having to take shelter at the nearest bus stop for the time. She braced the rain and the cold, cursing at herself for deciding to dress in one of her thinner clothes out of all days.

 

Cars and buses buzzed by when she noticed an all too familiar figure across the street blindly following the path in front of her.

 

_Yongsun._

 

Her eyes trailed after, watching her soak in the rain as she dragged her feet along the pavement. Byulyi tucked her phone back into her pocket before finding herself drawn to said woman in picture _all over again._

 

Yongsun hadn’t even noticed a figure tailing behind her as she continued strolling mindlessly. Her tears were washed away by the heavy rain, masking her feelings as she dreadingly took another step forward. She looked tired - exhausted even - like she’d been putting up a front for far too long.

 

Yongsun eventually found herself looking at another set of floor textiles as she dragged herself forward. Before she could take another step, a loud honk alerted her as she slowly lifted her head to take a glance at whatever was disrupting her thoughts. _Oh, it was the road._

 

She closed her eyes and braced for the impact, too tired to bother moving out of the way as the truck charged head on towards her. Another honk rang through her ears before she felt a pull on her arm and she was whirled into the arms of a familiar body.

 

Her body felt limp and she didn’t want to move until Byulyi’s voice broke her train of thoughts, “What are you doing right now.” It sounded more like a demand than a question, but Yongsun didn’t reply anyway, choosing to stay silent while her eyes stayed glued to the ground.

 

Sensing Yongsun didn’t want to talk, Byulyi decided to drag her back home with her hand still firmly gripped on her arm, not wanting to let her go anywhere. They took the familiar route back, one when they were still together and usually got ice cream from the nearby family mart.

 

Memories started flooding Byulyi’s mind again; ones she’d been trying so hard to repress. All it took was one look at Yongsun, and everything she tried to keep together was let loose again. _Everything._

 

When they’d arrive back at her apartment, Byulyi immediately rushed to prepare a warm bath for Yongsun to soak in. She’d wash her if she had to, considering how the ravenette was barely even functioning on her movement controls.

 

When Byulyi was ready to strip her clothing, something in Yongsun snapped as she quickly grabbed her arms, stopping her from ridding her clothes.

 

“... I’ll… do it myself,” she mumbled.

 

Byulyi took a step back, forgetting that Yongsun wasn’t hers anymore and that she was intruding her space again. “Sorry,” she apologised as she pulled her hand back.

 

Seeing her hand retract, Yongsun rushed to grab it, almost yelling, “Don’t.” She paused for a moment, gathering her courage to speak again, “Don’t apologise.” Her eyes never meeting Byulyi’s.

 

Her grip on Byulyi’s hand was weak but firm, almost as if desperate for her to stay. Byulyi gave her a squeeze, then pulled her hand back before she didn’t want to let go ever again.

 

“Go wash up,” she gently cooed.

 

She didn’t know what happened to Yongsun, but it pained her seeing her so helpless like this. It was something she would had never let her go through had it been her instead of Eric fucking Nam.

 

Yongsun nodded and made her way to the washroom. Byulyi watched her fragile frame slowly limp her way through as her hand trailed along the wall for support.

 

After changing out from her wet clothes, Byulyi swapped into her usual baggy shirt and shorts. Homewear, as she called it. She started rummaging through the closet, picking out warm clothes for Yongsun to change into. _Sweater, track pants, fresh undies. She doesn’t need a bra, does she?_ She folded them neatly and stacked them up, her other free hand ruffling her hair dry with her towel, still quite unsure what to make of the situation. She’d just brought her ex home, _and then what?_ What was she gonna do in this situation? Tell her she still loved her?

 

Yongsun hadn’t exactly been taking a bath, rather just soaking in the heat and sitting in the tub doing nothing. Her thoughts were filled with Eric and Byulyi. She’d never not thought about Byulyi since she left, making everything that Eric did a comparison to Byul. Whatever he did, Byul could do better, but she could never say that. She made the decision, after all.

 

Whenever she was cold, Eric would turn the heater on and left it at that. _Byul would wrap me in warm clothes, get take out, feed me warm soup and cuddle with me._ But she’d smile at Eric instead, saying thanks and offering him to sit with her so she could lean her head against his shoulder.

 

Her heart sank a little deeper, knowing she’d intentionally hurt the one she cared for the most. _I didn’t deserve her. She was perfect._

 

She wasn’t.

 

Perhaps it took a little too long down the memory lane and a knock at the door snapped her out of her thoughts. “Yongsun, you okay? You’ve been in there for almost 2 hours,” Byulyi’s voice reverberated from outside.

 

Yongsun felt her heart wrench when Byulyi stopped calling her by her nickname and started picking up formalities again. Had they really become so distanced?

 

_“... Yong?”_

 

Maybe it was just a figment of her memory messing with her, or she thought she had heard it wrong. Rubbing her eyes and shaking her head, she decided she’d overstayed. “Yeah,” Yongsun eventually replied. She stood up from the now cold water and started flushing it, taking a quick warm shower before heading back out.

 

Yongsun paused before heading out, taking a look at the mirror before doing so. She pulled her towel over the bruise on her arm. She decided maybe going out half naked in front of her ex wasn't the best idea and she called out to Byulyi for a change of clothes.

 

Byulyi was sitting by her bed and tapping away on her phone until she’d heard the soft, “Byulyi?” in the distance. She jumped from her bed, figuring that Yongsun probably needed the change of clothes and brought it over to the door of the toilet.

 

“I’ll leave it at the doorstep,”  Byulyi said and left to sit on the couch in the living room. Her eyes were glued to her phone as she tapped on ‘Order’ and ‘Pay’. Food seemed good. To make her stay longer? Maybe.

 

The clothes were big on Yongsun. _Byul always liked big shirts after all._ Byulyi always got herself a size bigger because they were comfortable to be in. _“Clothes are meant to be comfortable,”_ she’d say, and Yongsun would argue that _“They should be fitting and pretty on you.”_

 

The doors made a cackling sound as Yongsun pushed them open, finally exiting the long visited sauna. Byulyi didn’t bother turning back to look at her, afraid that if she started staring she could never stop.

 

Pressing away at the buttons on the remote, Byulyi spoke in a commanding tone, “I just ordered takeout. Sit down,” as she made room on the sofa.

 

Yongsun nodded, though Byulyi couldn’t see it, and shuffled over to sit beside Byulyi. They sat in silence as Byulyi kept changing channels. There was an upcoming romance action movie, then some TV drama, and finally a suspense movie. _What’s with these recurring series of genre?_

 

Byulyi kept her distance, leaning over to her right to avoid eye and physical contact; though she kept giving her glances every now and then. She could tell Yongsun was doing the same as well, curling her legs up and sitting in a fetal position, hiding half her face and staring at the screen blankly.

 

The dyson fan and the white noise from the television filled the uncomfortable silence. No one spoke. How could they? What was Byulyi going to say, _‘Finally broke up with your boyfriend?’_

 

Byulyi was almost thankful when the familiar ring echoed throughout the room and almost stood up immediately to leave the suffocating space. As soon as Byulyi went to get the food, Yongsun sighed inaudibly, glad to be relieved of the tension as well.

 

Yongsun felt her heart throb again as she carefully watched Byulyi set the dining table with several dishes laid across, scrambling back and forth to get utensils, bowls and plates to put the food on.

 

She missed the old times with Byul. She missed the times where Byul would smile longingly at her. She missed the times where Byul would wrap her arms tightly around her when she was feeling upset. She missed the times where Byul would treat her with warmth and care. She missed Byul.

 

But Yongsun knew she had let her go first. She had hurt Byul, and there was no way she could undo that. Even if Byul would let her in again, she knew they would never be the same as before. She had let go of everything she ever had, and she became someone who had nothing left. She felt her heart throb again and her stomach sinking.

 

Gripping at the fabric of her clothes, Yongsun hid her face in her knees. If there was one thing she’d regret doing in life, it was hurting Byul; the person she loved the most, and whom loved her the most.

 

“Come eat,” Byulyi called again as she turned to look at Yongsun who had her head buried away. Call it old habits, but she sighed inwardly, knowing Yongsun was only like this when she was going through a hard time.

 

Byulyi almost instinctively moved over but flinched before remembering they weren’t who they used to be. Instead, she brought the bowl of congee and ddeokbokki over and placed it on the coffee table in front of Yongsun. It used to be her comfort food after all.

 

The glasses clinked as the plates touched the surface of the coffee table. “Eat up,” Byulyi’s voice was gentle but firm. She had a feeling Yongsun hadn’t eaten the whole day and she was worried she’d get gastrics again. Old habits really did die hard.

 

Yongsun didn’t move. If anything, her hand gripped the sleeves of her shirt harder than before as she tried to curl up further. As if she didn’t already look like a small ball of sulk, she was now a _smaller_ ball of sulk.

 

Conflicted; that’s what Yongsun felt - that made the two of them. She didn’t know why Byulyi was still treating her so kindly and gently when she’d stabbed her where it hurt most. She didn’t know why Byulyi still cared when she could have just left her on the streets alone. She didn’t know how to reciprocate to the selflessness she had betrayed.

 

Yongsun’s head was still down when Byulyi had walked away. She could hear her pulling the chair out and the clanging of utensils as she started eating whatever she got for herself.

 

About 10 minutes passed when Byulyi finished her meal, leaving to clean up the dishes. There was the sound of the water tap turning on, then water running, a few clangings here and there, and then the sound of the water abruptly cut off. Yongsun heard footsteps heading towards her, then slowly fading behind her trailing off into Byulyi’s room. She heard a few more rustling, then footsteps heading towards her again.

 

The blanket was cold to the touch when Byulyi dropped it on Yongsun’s head, but started warming her up as she started wrapping it around her frame. Carefully, Byulyi tucked her in and provided her a pillow of her own as well, plopping it down on the other end of the couch. She refrained herself from pulling Yongsun into her arms, tugging the blankets closer instead so it covered all of her. “You’ll catch a cold,” she whispered as she adjusted the blanket over her.

 

Byulyi got up and returned with a few plates to cover up the food on the table, afraid that flies would get on them. “Be sure to eat,” she said as she turned the aircon on and set it at a comfortable temperature.

 

She did her last check on the temperature and set the remote down on the coffee table for Yongsun to use it if she felt it was too hot or cold to her liking.

 

“I’ll… leave you alone,” she paused, then adding, “... for now,” as she headed into another room beside her bedroom.

 

It was only when she heard the click at the door that Yongsun had let her guard down, tears overflowed from her eyes as she started sobbing silently and choking back on her breathing. It had only been a few moments since they’d reunited but Yongsun could tell just how much Byulyi had changed from her mannerisms, her speech, and how she put up walls over walls when approaching her - cautious of her.

 

The moment Yongsun had stepped into the familiar apartment, she noticed the smell was different when it hit her nose - the citrus and flowers replaced with a refreshing smell, like the waves and the ocean. The lines on the wall where they marked their heights were covered up with white paint, concealing its existence. The lamp she used to love was replaced with a regular nightlight. The ceiling lights that used to be orange were replaced with white, as if Byulyi was trying to keep herself awake. The house that was always a mess was so clean now. There were lesser furnitures around, and most of it that were gone were ones she’d grew fond of over time..

 

She wept in the unfamiliar scent of the sheets, knowing just how much she’d hurt Byulyi in a short span of time and how she’d give everything to unwind the clock back to when she hadn’t left.

 

Byulyi trailed her hand along the wall, rubbing circles around it as her head hung low. She could hear Yongsun’s sobbing in the distance and she wished she could head over and hold her tight, telling her everything was going to be fine, telling her she still loved her, and telling her to stay - forever.

 

But she knew that Yongsun would bottle up her feelings again if she did that. She always did. There were always secrets, even when they were happy. Whatever it was, she wanted to give her the space she needed by herself. It was something she had learned by experience; that it was tiring to put a face on, and it was impossible to put the mask down when people were around.

 

Sliding her back down the wall, Byulyi ended up in a fetal position. She ruffled her hair, frustrated at herself for being unable to do anything for Yongsun.

* * *

 

The following days were the weekends, and they found themselves longing for each other’s touch, yet avoiding one another like complete strangers - strangers who care about the other.

 

Hyejin and Wheein wanted to hang out initially, but Byulyi had to cancel on them for obvious reasons. _‘I’ll tell you more at work,”_ Byulyi had sent a text to Wheein, to which she whined about her being all shroudy and mysterious again.

 

“Do you have anywhere to go?” Byulyi broke the silence from the dining table, glancing at Yongsun as she digged in to her cereal.

 

Yongsun shook her head. She didn’t really have a place to go anymore. She had left Eric’s place for several reasons and she didn’t ever want to go back there again. Well, she’d have to eventually, since all her stuff were still at his place. Yongsun trembled at the thought of Eric’s presence, seemingly _terrified_ of him.

 

Byulyi stared at her cereal as she struggled to make a decision internally, stirring her bowl of milk and cereal as she pondered.

 

“You can stay here,” she finally decided. “Make yourself at home.”

 

Yongsun hadn’t moved from the couch since Friday, only getting up occassionally to take a shower or a bath when Byulyi instructed her to. Eventually she’d given in to the hunger and started eating as well. Her reason being _it would be a waste of money for Byulyi if it were left untouched._

 

She nodded as she continued eating her share of cereal, her figure still wrapped in the blanket that Byulyi had provided her with.

 

“I gotta go to work tomorrow,” Byulyi started again. “So, take care of yourself while I’m gone, okay?” She ate another spoonful of cereal, the crunching filling the silence in the room. “I’ll order takeout for you during lunch. If anything happens, tell Hyejin next door. She’ll help you.”

 

Yongsun nodded again, as if she was a doll. She didn’t want to talk, but she didn’t want to ignore Byulyi either. And Byulyi knew, so she didn’t make talks and questions that needed Yongsun to answer much.

 

During the afternoon, Byulyi would head over to the room beside her nest. It was the recording room, one where she’d write up lyrics and rap as a hobby. It was something she couldn’t give up even though she’d been doing this together with Yongsun. It held many memories of them together, but it was the one thing that could relief most of her stress if she wrote her feelings into lyrics and sang it out loud.

 

Byulyi almost didn’t notice Yongsun standing outside the glass door had she not been glancing over every minute to want to check up on her. She pulled her headphones down and hung it around her neck as she got to the door, inviting the older woman in. Byulyi grabbed a chair from another room and set it down for Yongsun to sit in, then returning back to her table to hum and key in more lyrics.

 

Perhaps she was afraid of being alone the next day that she sought to Byulyi for company. Even if they weren’t talking, Yongsun still enjoyed Byulyi’s calming presence. But more importantly, she didn’t want to be by herself, because she was afraid of what she’ll do if she started listening to the voices in her head again.

 

Yongsun peered over at Byulyi’s screen, trying to avoid hearing herself in her mind while glancing through the lyrics she had written. Her eyes started tearing up again as she read the words on the screen, reiterating what Byulyi was feeling at the time.

 

The words were filled with pain and loneliness, as if Byulyi was crying for help but was met with no answer. She was drowning alone, with her only life support taken away and she was left to suffer all by herself.

 

Yongsun started wiping her tears with her wrists, staining the sleeves of her shirt with dampness. Sniffing, she felt herself get pulled in by an arm, as her forehead rested against Byulyi’s shoulder. Her touch was gentle, and it was filled with so much love and care she started tearing up even more. She loved this - she loved Byulyi. Her hand shifted and grabbed the hem of Byulyi’s shirt, unwilling to let go. Byulyi started smoothing her head, hushing her as she continued weeping at everything that she had going on.

 

Nighttime was approaching, and Byulyi laid on her bed after taking a shower. She was looking at her phone, scrolling through pictures of corgis and giggling at them. Wheein’s words sounded in her head, reminded her that she should get a pet someday too. She’d considered, but was waiting for a corgi adoption to be put up rather than buying one. She didn’t like the idea of supporting breeders.

 

Byulyi didn’t have plans to sleep on her bed for the night, just like the previous couple of nights. After all, Yongsun had her only blanket in the house. She was about to head over to the recording room to spend the night again but was caught by said culprit standing at the door frame with said blanket and pillow.

 

Puzzled, she led Yongsun into the room anyway as she started grabbing the stuff from her.

 

“Turning in here?” Byulyi asked as she took the unfolded mess from her. _Maybe she finally decided the couch was killing her back._

 

Yongsun merely nodded, eyes glued to the floor. She would never admit that the couch was killing her back.

 

Byulyi hummed in approval. Sleeping early was good for her health and there was no way she was going to turn down that idea. “I’ll tuck you in. Go lay down,” she instructed as she started airing the blanket to its full size.

 

Yongsun started crawling into the bed as told. Honestly if Yongsun wasn’t adult sized, Byulyi would be fooled into thinking she was a really obedient child. Thank God for that, she’d rather have this than an angry drunk. She shuddered as she remembered the other time when Hyejin got so wasted she started yelling at strangers on the streets.

 

Byulyi flapped the blanket again, laying it out and covering Yongsun nicely. She figured Yongsun could adjust it for herself if she wanted to get cosier as she started heading out.

 

Byulyi turned to leave but was stopped in her tracks when she felt her hand getting tugged on.

 

“Don’t go,” Yongsun spoke for the first time since they’d met again. She had her face buried into the pillow as if unwilling to make eye contact. Her voice was small, trembling, and afraid.

 

It hit her like a truck. Concern washed all over Byul when she heard her pitiful and desperate voice for the first time in a long while. Yongsun seemed so fragile; no, she _was_ so fragile, like she could break any time if she wasn’t handled with care at all. What happened between her and Eric Nam? What happened to the strong and confident Kim Yongsun she used to know? _What did he do to her?_

 

Hey eyes trailed her figure. Yongsun seemed so helpless, so broken and so foreign. It hurt her, knowing she was in this state because she let her leave. Byulyi blamed herself, she always did; for her own pain, and now Yongsun’s as well. She let her leave, and now they were both hurt.

 

“Okay,” she gulped, determined to listen to her pleas when she seemed like she was begging her to. _If only she begged me to stay earlier._

 

She demanded Alexa to turn the lights off and climbed into bed with no hesitation, lifting the blankets and tucking Yongsun into her arms like before. “I’m here,” she whispered as she buried her face into her hair. The familiar scent of strawberry and cream hit her nose, and she was reminded of how much she loved the girl she had in her embrace currently. She never wanted to let go again. _Never._

 

“I’m here,” she said again, reassuring herself more than anyone else, “I’m not going anywhere.”

 

Yongsun whimpered at her touch, holding her closer than ever when Byulyi shuffled her way into bed. She missed this - missed _her_ \- so much, so freaking much. The way she held her always felt like she was the only one in the world. She was so gentle, yet so secure. When she held her, it always felt sincere, real, and full of emotions. She felt the safest and the warmest in Byulyi’s arms and nowhere else, even Eric could never beat that. There was always a certain distance between her and the guy for some reason, and she couldn’t quite understand why.

 

Reminiscing her thoughts, Yongsun started tearing up at the small changes. The smell of citrus and blossoms were replaced with that of oceans and waves. The darkness that was supposed to envelope the room was lit up by the night lamp she hadn’t seen before. The night wind that used to blow in from the window was shut out completely and replaced with the cooling air condition.

 

Little by little, she noticed Byulyi changing, and Yongsun was afraid that one day she might change her feelings for her as well, leaving her behind and shutting her out like she did to the cold night wind.

 

“I’m not going anywhere,” Byulyi repeated, her words invading Yongsun’s mind.

 

There it was again, her selflessness. Perhaps it was out of curiosity to know just how much of it Byulyi had in her that it kept making Yongsun push herself to take more and more from her. Or perhaps she was just selfish for wanting all of her to herself. Perhaps that was why she left when she realised there was an indefinite amount of kindness in her for others, but never for herself.

 

Yongsun wept into Byulyi’s chest as she hushed her, wishing she could have treated Byul right from the beginning of time. She loved her so much, and she was thankful she fell in love with her and no one else. She had always loved her, even when she left. Because even when everyone, and everything had left, no matter what, Byulyi was still there for her -  always, just like before.

 

The truth is Byulyi didn’t have to be there for her at all, she figured, but Yongsun would never know that she would abandon everything else if it meant she was allowed to run back to her.

 

“I’m always here,” Byulyi whispered one last time, before Yongsun drifted off to sleep.

 

Every time Byulyi was about to nod off, she would force herself awake and rub circles on Yongsun’s back, smoothing her hair and pulling her in closer.

 

Throughout the night she barely got any sleep, traumatised by the last time she had left her when she wasn’t paying attention. She was afraid Yongsun would up and leave in the middle of the night again, but was convinced otherwise every time she pulled back to take a look at her sleeping face.

* * *

 

Morning crept against the window sills and sunlight found its way into her home again as usual.

 

Byulyi didn’t know when she had fallen asleep when she suddenly jolted awake as Yongsun shifted against her. She pulled back and watched her rub her eyes drowsily, her free hand moving up to tuck a few strands of Yongsun’s hair behind her ears.

 

“Hey,” she greeted her.

 

Yongsun blinked several times before registering that Byulyi still hadn’t gone to work. “You’re still here,” her voice muffled. It was pleasant waking up in the arms of Byulyi - it always was. She was half-expectant to wake up to an empty bed like back at Eric’s, the other half wishing she never woke at all.

 

But she was glad she did. Byulyi always crashed her expectations over the top; never once did she ever make her confirm her doubts, always assuring the best for her.

 

“Always,” Byulyi planted a kiss on her forehead and breathed, inhaling the scent she missed so much. “I called in sick,” _lovesick,_ “So I’m here all day.”

 

She felt Yongsun nod against her as she pulled her in closer. Byulyi closed her eyes and planted another kiss, and another, and several more, assuring her she was with her.

 

“Hungry?” Byulyi asked, and she felt Yongsun shake her head once.

 

“Want to do anything today?” Another shake.

 

“Stay like this a while?” Two nods.

 

“Ddeokbokki?” A pause, then a slow sheepish nod.

 

“Let’s take a stroll at the night market later then. We’ll get street food,” Byulyi paused, getting comfortable and remembering the past. She whispered, unsure if Yongsun had changed her preferences the past year, “You loved them.”

 

She felt a nod again. “I still do,” she heard Yongsun mumble against her. “Everything I loved, I still do.”

 

Byulyi silently wished she was under her list of everything. She half-doubted it, shaking her thought away. “Okay,” she said, making sure of her interests and dislikes now, “Still the same.”

 

“Not the same,” Yongsun cut her off. She hated the past year with Eric. She hated everything that happened between them. She hated herself for not finding the strength to leave him like she left Byul. She hated the peer pressure, she hated him, and she hated herself. “Same... but different,” she reiterated.

 

If Byulyi had 3 wishes available, the first thing she would like to know was what happened between Yongsun and Eric. The second was why she left her behind but came back anyway,  and the third to know what Yongsun always had on her mind.

 

It was frustrating when Yongsun hid things from her, but Byulyi never pried it out of her either because she respected her. _If she wanted to tell me, she would._ It was something she’d always given everyone around her: space. And people genuinely liked her because she treated them as respected individuals, not an object or a relic to pry information from.

 

“Okay,” she confirmed again, “Same, but different,” Byulyi was sure she was talking about her now-over relationship, but she didn’t want to assume what about it that was different. _Maybe she still liked Eric? Nah._ She shook her head. _Why’d she be here then?_

 

A part of Byulyi wished Yongsun still loved her, and a part of Yongsun wanted to scream that she did into the depths of the void. But they didn’t know better, neither of them crossing that boundary and clearing that doubt; solely because they loved each other, that they wanted to give the other all the time and space available to get comfortable again.

 

They stayed like that for a few hours, soaking in one another’s embrace. Their legs were entwined and their arms sprawled over each other’s bodies. Byulyi had her phone in her hand as she had Yongsun in her arms.

 

Yongsun heard several taps at one go, then silence for a bit like she was scrolling through some page, then several taps again. It started becoming religious as she listened to her nails clack against the screen. Yongsun wondered who she was texting. _Her colleague? Friend? Crush? Lover? Who was it that was making her divide her attention away?_

 

Yongsun squeezed Byulyi against her. _The clutch of jealousy._

 

Byulyi squeezed her back, kissing the top of her head and removing a hand from her phone to smooth her hair before resuming to text said person.

 

Jealousy crept up all over Yongsun as she blurted out by accident, her thoughts manifesting into real words, “Who are you talking to?” Realising she’d said that out loud, she hid her face in embarrassment.

 

“A friend. Two- no, three, actually,” as a message from Hyejin popped out from the notifications.

 

“What about?”

 

“I’m telling Wheein I’m coming to work tomorrow. Then, a friend at a dance group that I’m unable to make for practice for a while,” another ping, “Then, Hyejin next door just asked if I wanted to catch a movie together with Wheein tomorrow night. I turned her down,” she smoothed her head again, “They’re just asking about my wellbeing.”

 

Yongsun had heard about Wheein before, but not the other two that was mentioned. She was even surprised Byulyi started dancing in fact.

 

The first time she heard about Wheein was when Byulyi was 2 years into working for the company, while she was still studying for her master’s degree on the other hand.

 

Byulyi came home one day and started chirping about a really energetic intern. She was smart, helpful, kind and a ball of bubbly smiles wherever she went. She had yet to meet her, though Byulyi mentioned they became friends afterwards but never hung out as much; occasionally drinking and eating supper together late at night, but that was about it.

 

She never really met Byulyi’s friends now that she thought about it, perhaps because of her extroverted-introvert personality; an extrovert at heart but an introvert in person. She’d shy away from strangers, often putting up a mask because she was used to people coming up and taking advantage of her - taking her for granted. She’d smile and take her leave, piling up walls around her and never letting anyone in.

 

Byulyi was the complete opposite of her. At first, Byulyi would shy away from her touch, or anyone’s touch actually. But she never had walls around her, and she was easy to approach. As time went by, she became comfortable with the skinship between them, even starting to initiate it with Yongsun most of the time; holding her, hugging her, smelling her, kissing her.

 

Byulyi had always been open about her feelings to the people around her. She was transparent, and everyone loved her because of who she was. She’d let herself get taken advantage of, taken granted of, pushed around, and she was okay with it. Byulyi never minded what people wanted out of her, and she was even more than willing to help if anything, always so altruistic even if it meant at the expense of her mental health.

 

Yongsun hated it at first, wondering how much of a pushover Byulyi could be. She often scolded her for putting others ahead of herself, but Byulyi would smile and assured her that everything was fine and she learned that it was just the way Byulyi was.

 

But at the end of the day, she’d sit alone on the couch, recharging her social battery by listening to music alone. She kept her thoughts to herself, sharing them only when it was at the peak and threatening to burst her meter. Byulyi never relied on anyone to deal with her emotions, not that Yongsun knew of. But she was hardly frustrated at anything or anyone, mostly herself for being incompetent as she’d claimed.

 

Maybe that was why she fell in love with Byulyi when she came crashing through the walls she’d spent all her time building. Because she never took anything from her, because she just wanted to be with her, because she just liked her for her - that she started tearing down all her walls just for Byulyi. The Byulyi who tried her best to provide for her, and asking for nothing in return. The Byulyi who would shower her with love and care even when she didn’t ask for it. The Byulyi who tried to be the best version of herself everyday and on.

 

The only thing she stole was her heart, and nothing else. And even so, she treated it with the utmost care anyone could wish for. She was everything she could have hoped for.

 

Byulyi typed her last sentence, then set her phone down as she cradled Yongsun again. She didn’t mind staying like that for the rest of the day if it was spent with her. There was no other place she’d rather be besides Yongsun, and she would never give this away even if she had to. She’d die having to let her go again.

 

They eventually shuffled out of bed and had a few small bites while cuddling on the couch and watching TV. It reminded them of the old days, except less talking and more chewing, since neither really had anything to say to the other. Rather, the mood wasn’t quite the right setting to start a hearty conversation.

 

The walk around the night market was mostly uneventful. Byulyi picking and pointing out food that Yongsun might like, and Yongsun just nodding or shaking her head. She didn’t really have an appetite after all that happened. Still, she didn’t want Byulyi to worry, so she’d just eat whatever they bought together.

 

“I’m gonna get some for Hyejin too. She probably hadn’t eaten anything from cooping herself up at home,” Byulyi picked out a little bit more for 2, buying a bunch of grilled meat, fishcakes, pancakes and such. Hyejin was a big eater after all, and Byulyi was sure these wouldn’t be sufficient for her to fill her stomach.

 

Yongsun nodded, noting that Byulyi had more to care for now. Not that she minded, but it was because of small gestures like this that she overlooked and took granted for. Her grip on Byulyi’s shirt tightened as she got reminded of how she never appreciated her enough in the past.

 

Byulyi turned over as she felt her shirt getting pulled. With one hand receiving the change from the store vendor, her other hand cupped Yongsun’s face, forcing her to look at her.

 

“What’s wrong?” concern coated all over her words, “Are you in pain?”

 

 _Internal pain, yes._ Yongsun shook her head and glanced aside, afraid of meeting her eyes.

 

Sighing, Byulyi moved her hand up to push her bangs out of her face, sliding it behind Yongsun’s neck and planting a kiss on her forehead. For a moment, she thought Yongsun was bothered by the crowd, or had sudden gastric pain again. The corner of her lips curled slightly upwards, glad that it wasn’t the case.

 

Byulyi slid her hand back down to grab Yongsun’s, “Let’s go,” tugging her along as they continued their shopping spree.

 

“Hyejin eats a lot,” Byulyi merely stated when she was buying the last bit of the food. Or so Yongsun thought as they marched on.

 

They headed back home with 4 handful of bags, even Yongsun had to help carry with the amount of food Byulyi was buying.

 

As they approached the familiar doorstep of Byulyi’s home, the taller woman made a sharp turn towards her left, then handing almost half of what they bought to hang on the door handle

of her neighbour’s home. Yongsun observed as she whipped out her phone immediately afterwards, what appeared to be like texting this ‘Hyejin’ that she left food outside her door.

 

Shortly after, Byulyi half-jogged back to where Yongsun was and opened the door back to her home for her.

 

They got inside, shuffling and toeing their shoes off as they started unpacking the food.

 

The uncomfortable silence filled the room until Yongsun finally broke it. “Who is she?” she asked.

 

Byulyi replied immediately, wanting to clear up any misunderstandings that Yongsun might have. “A friend of mine. She was there for me when I was…” she paused, recalling her post break up moments, “... not very well.”

 

Yongsun understood what she meant, giving a slight nod with a tinge of guilt lingering at the back of her mind. She bit her lips and brought her gaze down to the floor, avoiding Byulyi’s eyes.

 

Reaching out, Byulyi placed her hands on the side of Yongsun’s head, cupping her cheeks as she started leaning in, “Hyejin’s just a friend. She’s lovely.” She placed a kiss on the top of her head while she was still facing down at the floor. “I have work tomorrow, so if anything happens, call for Hyejin. She seems intimidating at first, but she’s really soft at heart. She’ll listen to you and cheer you up.”

 

Yongsun grabbed onto the sleeves of Byulyi’s shirt. She didn’t want anyone else. She didn’t need anyone else. She only wanted Byulyi. And she was almost about to burst into tears knowing that Byulyi would be gone for the day tomorrow, worried about being left alone with her thoughts.

 

Byulyi smoothed her head again, whispering and assuring her. “It’ll be okay. I’ll be back as soon as I get off work, okay?” She moved her hand to cup her face again, this time squeezing her cheeks a little bit harder. She missed those soft cheeks. “I’ll text you often. You haven’t changed your phone number, right?”

 

Hesitantly, Yongsun nodded, letting go of Byulyi’s sleeves. She recalled the days where she wanted so much to call Byulyi in the middle of the night when Eric was fast asleep. The days where she would have written a chunk of text about missing her and loving her, and was hesitant to press the send button to Byulyi because that’d be the dickest and the most selfish move ever in world’s dating history to both her at-the-time boyfriend, and ex-girlfriend.

 

She dragged her feet over to the dining table when Byulyi had finished setting down the plates and utensils.

 

“Let’s eat.”

 

Dinner wasn’t the most depressing event that happened in Yongsun’s life events. She enjoyed it, in fact, because nothing could ever go wrong with having meat. Just had a break up and feeling all upset about it? Have some grilled meat and alcohol. Your boyfriend pissed you off and you got no place to go? Go to the nearest gopchang house and grill some innards. Feeling like you won the lottery after a shitty day? Treat yourself and go to the steakhouse. She was almost convinced that meat could solve everything emotional anyone could have - or just her.

 

She was stuffing her cheeks with all the food that Byulyi had gotten, that the payee herself had to watch her lest she chewed on her hair as well. Byulyi smiled, glad that she was eating well after the past few days. “Good?” she asked while holding her hair up from across the table. She slid the hair tie she always had around her wrist to tie Yongsun’s hair up, else the poor jet black hair would end up as dinner as well.

 

Yongsun nodded, not particularly looking at Byulyi as she had her focus on the plate furthest away from her. Her cheeks were full of savory meat, some fried, some grilled, some roasted, and Byulyi could only wonder how much she could stuff up her mouth.

 

Byulyi chuckled, “Eat well,” as she started picking up her chopsticks to continue dining where she left off.

 

After the full course of street food, they stayed on the chair for a bit, letting the food digest itself before cleaning up the plates. Nighttime closed in, and it was pretty much the same routine as the past few days: They took turns taking a shower, except, they climbed into bed together.

 

Byulyi pulled her in close, planting several kisses all over face; her forehead, eyelids, nose, cheeks, ear, jaw, chin, neck, but never her lips. Yongsun would shyly accept all of it, closing her eyes and enjoying the moment where Byulyi’d spent assuring her she is loved and cared for.

 

After the series of kisses, Byulyi naturally tucked Yongsun under her chin, humming one of her favourite tunes as she waited for her to drift off to sleep before doing so as well.

 

Two could play the waiting game as Yongsun waited for Byulyi’s rubbing to slow down and eventually come to a halt. She waited a little longer as she laid still, making sure Byulyi was in a deep sleep before pulling back to take a good look at her for the longest time.

 

Her face was touched by the moonlight, and she looked so peaceful as she slept so soundly. Her lashes were long and glistened in the moonlight as Yongsun moved to wipe her tears away. Her nose was straight, and her cheeks were round and puffy, almost like her own, but had a sharp decline as it went down her face defined by her jawline. She trailed her fingers down to her lips, pursed and slightly agape from resting, and she resisted all the urge to kiss her again.

 

Yongsun was carefully soaking in all the details she’d missed in the past year, remembering the familiar face she used to wake up to every morning. She trailed her cupid’s bow, then down to her lower lip. Byulyi’s lips were always full and alluring, always entrancing her to take them-

 

“What are you doing?” she heard as she felt Byulyi grabbed her hand wandering around her face. Her eyes opened almost in slow-mo and stopped midway through, gazing directly into her own. She gulped, nervous that she’d been caught red handed.

 

Byulyi shut her eyes again, giving the back of Yongsun’s hand a kiss before leaning in to kiss her on the nose as well. “Why aren’t you asleep yet,” her words slurred, “You’ll miss out on sleep.” She opened her eyes again, almost staring seductively into Yongsun if she weren’t half-awake.

 

Yongsun gulped, heat rising to her cheeks and she felt thankful to the night for masking the colours away. “Nothing,” she finally said as she placed her fingers on Byulyi’s lips again.

 

Byulyi hummed, similar to the last one Yongsun heard before. “Playing with my face isn’t nothing,” she smiled, though turning out to be a smirk instead. _She missed me._

 

Yongsun was trying to etch her back into her memories, not as if she hadn’t already constantly have her on the back of mind. She wanted to remember Byulyi right down to the details, the mole on the left her eyelid that was almost similar to the one she had on her brow, the curve of her eye when she closed them, the sharpness of her jaw as she trailed them down to her chin. She wanted to remember all of it.

 

“Yeah,” she could only reply. _I want to study every bit of you, and love you afresh._ She wanted to know every nook and cranny of Byulyi, every bits and parts of her that she missed and overlooked before. She wanted to know what she loved most and what she feared most. She wanted to treat her with the utmost care and warmth. She wanted to be the best of herself with her, just like she did. She wanted to start new, and love her like she had.

 

“Go to sleep,” Byulyi muttered again, eyelids threatening to fall shut, “You can look at me tomorrow,” she said as though assuring Yongsun that she would be here every other day.

 

“Okay,” Yongsun lied as she continued trailing her hand across her features, brushing away her blond hair to take a better look at her.

 

At some point, Byulyi gave up convincing Yongsun to go to sleep and eventually knocked out while Yongsun spent the night away admiring her face basked in the moonlight.

 

It hadn’t felt long for Yongsun when Byulyi’s alarm rang, and the owner of the phone struggled to turn it off.

 

Yongsun fluttered her eyes open drowsily at the God forsaken noise, squeezing it shut when she realised the sunlight was a little bit too harsh for her to get used to when she had just woken up.

 

She was greeted by Byulyi’s less asleep face compared to last night as they held an unannounced staring contest.

 

“Good morning, face-starer,” Byulyi teased as she pinched her nose lightly, earning herself a glare from the older woman.

 

Byulyi smiled cheekily, pulling herself out of Yongsun’s grasp and sliding out of bed. “I have to get ready,” she said while shuffling over to her wardrobe to get a change of clothes.

 

Yongsun merely watched Byulyi stumble back and forth in amusement as she started getting ready; brushing her teeth while packing her bag, deciding what to wear and how to style her hair, looking all over her dresser for her perfume and makeup. She hadn’t really changed much in certain aspects, now that she looked closer.

 

When Byulyi got all dolled up and ready, she strutted over to the edge of the bed and scooted over to plant a kiss on Yongsun’s head, leaving a slightly red mark as she stealthily moved her finger to wipe it off. _Oops, guess it’s staying there for a while._

 

“I’ll see you in a bit,” she pulled away and tucked Yongsun’s hair behind her ear, “Go get more rest. You look tired.”

 

Yongsun nodded drowsily, subconsciously pulling her into a hug before Byulyi waved and left the room and apartment to herself. She fell back on the bed, wrapping herself in the comfort of the blankets and shutting out the sunlight against her face. She silently cursed at Byulyi for not putting up curtains before catching up on lost sleep.

 

It was an hour past noon when Yongsun got up and checked her phone. Texts overflooded her inbox when she scrolled through the lock screen.

 

“Guessing you haven’t woken up yet.” _Byul 11:23 a.m._

 

“What do you want for lunch?” I’ll order takeout for you.” _Byul 11:23 a.m._

 

“So how was my face last night?” _Byul 11:56 a.m._

 

“Too dry? Too moisturised? Best looking person you ever met?” _Byul 11:56 a.m._

 

“Sleep tight pupper” _Byul 11:57 a.m._

 

“Have you decided on what to eat in your sleep?” _Byul 12:33 p.m._

 

“I wonder what you’re dreaming about… sleeping so soundly…” _Byul 12:35 p.m._

 

“What time did you sleep anyway?” _Byul 12:35 p.m._

 

“What did you dream about?” _Byul 12:36 p.m._

 

“Ah, sleeping beauty. When will you speak to me?” _Byul 12:44 p.m._

 

“I have a meeting at 130, I’ll send Hyeiin over later.” _Byul 12:45 p.m._

 

“Making sure you’re well fed and given company” _Byul 12:45 p.m._

 

“Don’t faint when you see her.” _Byul 12:4_ 6 p.m.

 

“Alright, I’ll be off comms for about an hour or two. I’ll talk to you in a bit” _Byul 13:07 p.m._

 

“Take care, and don’t do anything stupid.” _Byul_ _13:08 p.m._

 

Yongsun read the last text over and over, as if Byulyi knew what was on her mind at the time. It served as a reminder to her so that she wouldn’t do anything rash while she wasn’t in her company, breaking her away from her thoughts whenever she deemed to do something that would hurt herself in the process.

 

She scuffled out of bed, stumbling across the walkway to the living room, with Byulyi’s text replaying over and over in her head. _Don’t do anything stupid, don’t do anything stupid, don’t do anything stupid, don’t do-_ _The fuck is that?_

 

Clicking and tapping noises filled the room, and Yongsun could see a pair of… _feet?_ She peered over, noticing a rather tanned pair of legs resting atop the couch she was making a home out of just a few days back. Yongsun’s steps slowed as she carefully peeked into the area, noticing a stature and long black hair similar to her own.

 

 _Is this the legendary Hyejin?_ Yongsun gulped, remembering that Byulyi mentioned sending this Hyejin over. She mustered up her courage to greet the guest, “Hello?” she spoke softly, only loud enough for herself to hear.

 

The typing stopped, then resumed, as if her concentration was never broken at all. Yongsun scooted closer, seeing now that she was donning some sort of glasses on, laptop on her thighs, and was in a baggy shirt and shorts. _Homewear,_ she remembered Byulyi insisted in the past.

 

“Excuse me-” she tried again, louder this time, but was met with Hyejin screaming at her laptop.

 

Yongsun backed away instinctively, shocked at her sudden repulsive behaviour, and accidentally hit her head against the wall from moving too quickly. Her form immediately retreated into a fetal position as she clutched her head from the throbbing pain. “Ow…” she grimaced in pain, rubbing the spot where it hurt.

 

Noticing the sudden movements to her left, Hyejin took off her earphones and looked over, wondering what startled the creature. _Ah, the guest,_ she remembered the person Byulyi tasked her to take care of so desperately when she woke up this morning. She wouldn’t have said no anyway, but Byulyi kept insisting she would pay her back, or treat her to dinner, or sorts. They were close like that, always helping each other out in times of need.

 

Setting her laptop aside, she moved over to help the pale lady up, noticing a few bruises on her arms as she did so. _Looks about a few days old,_ she noted. Her keen eyes never let anything escape her observations; she was sharp like that.

 

“I’m sorry, did I startle you? I was just- Well, just writers stuff,” she began explaining herself, “I’m Hyejin, you must have heard about me from Byulyi-unnie?”

 

Yongsun accepted Hyejin’s hand for support, pulling herself up as she continued rubbing her head, the pain distracting her from covering up the bruises left on her arms.

 

“Yeah…” she grimaced again, “I’m Yongsun… a friend of- ah! Ow…”

 

“Here, let me see,” Hyejin said as she swiftly moved behind Yongsun to check on her head, constantly rubbing the spot where she hurt herself and held her forehead in place, massaging it thoroughly. “Better?” she asked as she slowed her movements.

 

“Yeah… Thank you…” Yongsun managed to choke out amidst the shock. “I’m sorry, what did you say you were doing again?” she asked, genuinely curious what made her scream out like that. The only thing someone could ever lash out on an inanimate object is when they’re using extensive brain language and exporting it over to materialise; such is coding and programming. She sighed at her major, wondering why she ever took up computer science.

 

Even though it was just a tinge of brightness, Yongsun saw Hyejin’s eyes light up for a moment before speaking. “I’m a writer. Novelist. Do you read?” she asked, almost unable to contain the excitement in her that someone might be interested in her line of work.

 

Hyejin guided Yongsun to the couch, sitting her down before making her way to grab a cup of water for the both of them. “Yeah... Sometimes…” Yongsun answered shyly, rubbing her neck as she glanced aside, embarrassed from the commotion. She hadn’t told anyone about the novels she read online though, afraid they might judge her for her tastes. She was more of a maiden at heart than she looked on the outside after all.

 

“Ooh, what sorts?” Hyejin shuffled across and made room for herself on the couch beside Yongsun, shutting and putting her laptop aside. “You don’t seem like the type to read horror and action. Fantasy, maybe. A little bit of non-fiction, perhaps. Oh, I got it. Romance. If you’re looking for a bit of spice, maybe some thriller as well,” Hyejin rambled, unexpectedly nerding out at the tip of the iceberg about books.

 

Yongsun’s mouth hung agape. Was she that see-through? She thought she’d be harder to read at first sight, but Hyejin got most of her tastes down at first try. She was genuinely surprised, impressed in fact.

 

“How-” Yongsun began, but Hyejin cut her off, sipping a mouthful of water as she set the cup down.

 

“Oh, I’m just good at reading people. Or so I’m told. Did I get them right?” Hyejin grinned.

 

Honestly, she thought she’d be dealing with more of a sobbing mess than a klutz when Byulyi had begged her for help. ‘ _Oh, Hyejin, please, please, please. You HAVE to be there. Please. She’d kill herself without me!’_ Byulyi’s words repeated in her memory. _Fucking banging at my door at 8am._ She took a glance up and down Yongsun. _Doesn’t look like she’s about to kill herself though._ In fact, Yongsun seemed pretty tamed in Hyejin’s eyes.

 

Yongsun took a sip as well, still holding on to the cup as she faced Hyejin, “Yeah… I haven’t really told anyone about the genres I read, though. It’s really a surprise,”

 

“Not even Byulyi-unnie?”

 

Yongsun rolled her eyes, an obvious bore gleaming in her eye. “She thinks I’m into politics and world issues, business analytics, I don’t know.”

 

Hyejin choked on her drink, almost spitting it out had she not she covered her mouth. “That bad, huh?” Yongsun gave a nod, sighing. “Well, I wouldn’t blame her. She only picks up a book once in a blue moon anyway.”

 

“Oh, that’s right,” Hyejin perked up, suddenly remembering she ordered food a while ago, “I hope you don’t mind beef intestine soup for lunch.”

 

Yongsun perched at the word ‘beef intestine’. “I love it!” she exclaimed, then covering her mouth, realising she was a little too excited. It had been a while since she had innards, and she loved it to bits.

 

The bell rang and the chime echoed throughout the apartment right as they talked about said order. Hyejin excused herself to answer the door and started unpacking the food to serve it. Seeing that Hyejin might need a hand, Yongsun made her way to the kitchen to grab some bowls for the soup to be poured in.

 

Lunch was rather quiet, as neither of them spoke much from enjoying the exquisite and long forgotten taste of beef intestines. There were occasional sounds of Hyejin moaning from enjoying the food and some slurping noises from the both of them, but otherwise not many words were exchanged between the two.

 

After the much satisfied meal, Yongsun offered to wash the dishes, moving over to the sink and rolling her sleeves up. Hyejin shuffled over as she made her way to throw the trash out by the home-installed refuse chute. She was about to help Yongsun out when she noticed the bruises on her arms again, taking down mental notes of what she saw: two huge straight bruises across her wrist and the end of her forearm, a few deep fresh cuts that seemed like they were intentional rather than accidental, and several other smaller bruises lining up across her arms. Her other arm looked similar as well, but with lesser cuts and a few more huge streaks of bruises, looking almost like someone had hit her with a massive plank or sorts.

 

“Hey,” she stepped closer to Yongsun, eyeing her arms, “Who did that to you?”

 

Yongsun looked confused for a moment, then trailed her eyes towards where Hyejin was focusing at. In the heat of panic, she hurriedly pulled her sleeves back down, attempting to hide the marks she’d forgotten they exist. Spending the days with Byulyi was too healing and rejuvenating that she’d forgotten all about her scars and bruises.

 

“I-It’s nothing…” Yongsun stuttered, her face flushed as she shifted her focus back to wash the bowls, making a tad too much noise as the tableware clinked against one another as she fumbled to wash them quickly.

 

Hyejin grabbed her arm, careful not to hurt her as she lifted her sleeves back up again to take a closer look. “They don’t seem like nothing to me,” she eyed Yongsun, her face transitioning to a serious and concerned expression.

 

Yongsun retreated her arm back immediately, for some reason she was a little jumpy today. She yanked her sleeves back down as she stared at the floor unable to find words to cover up the evidence.

 

Hyejin sighed, disappointed but knowingly. She knew Yongsun didn’t want to talk about this, so she didn’t push it further. But she made it a point that she’d inform Byulyi later on.

 

“Sorry for prying. They just look worrying, that’s all,” Hyejin cooly apologised. She was great at dissolving the tension, like how she did when Byulyi was all cooped up alone last time.

 

Yongsun shook her head, letting out a nervous laugh as she reassured Hyejin, “It’s alright. It’s nothing to worry about, really.”

 

Hyejin took another look at her. Yongsun seemed so distraught compared to earlier. It seemed almost as if it was a facade that she was just masking her weakness, putting up a strong front to tell others that she was okay. But the moment there was a crack, it was easy to tell she was crumbling apart and trying to get her shit together. Maybe Byulyi wasn’t just being paranoid, _this girl really might kill herself without supervision._

 

“Go sit down, I’ll wash up.” Hyejin instructed Yongsun, her tone demanding yet soft.

 

Yongsun nodded, turning to leave with an apologetic look in her eye. She seemed vulnerable, as if afraid of people looking into her true form - weak, cowardly and fragile. She stopped in her tracks, looking back at Hyejin, “Please don’t tell Byulyi about this.”

 

Hyejin hesitated for moment, “Okay.” She lied, of course. There was no way she wasn’t going to report this to Byulyi, especially when Byulyi might actually be able to get an answer out of her, or even do something about it.

 

“Thank you...” Yongsun bit her lips as she tugged at the hem of her sleeves, pulling them down further and trying to hide her bruises deeper.

 

It took a while for Yongsun to open up to Hyejin again as she tried to strike another conversation up. They started warming up to each other, sharing their interests and whatnot until Hyejin had to leave for work.

 

“I have a client to meet, so I’ll take my leave,” Hyejin took a glance at her phone, noting that it was 5:30 p.m. as she was about to head off, “Byulyi-unnie is usually home around 6. Since the office is nearby, she wouldn’t take long to come back if she’s coming straight home.”

 

Yongsun was slightly jealous, knowing that Byulyi had someone else tracking her working hours and schedules. She’d realised just how much she was missing in her life in the past year when she wasn’t around; meeting new friends, having new commitments and setting new priorities.

 

Yongsun nodded, thanking Hyejin for her company before she left as she heaved a deep sigh of relief, thankful that the watcher is gone for now. She wasn’t exactly uncomfortable in Hyejin’s presence, but she could feel eyes all over her at whatever she did. It felt like Hyejin was observing her every single move, studying her mannerisms and behaviors, and carefully making mental notes on the little stuff that she did.

 

She threw her head back onto the arm rest, resting herself on the couch as she laid an arm across her forehead. It was exhausting putting up a mask in front of a stranger as usual.

 

As Hyejin closed the apartment door behind her, she whipped out her phone and began texting Byulyi almost immediately. She had been holding the urge back to since earlier, but she didn’t want to start a panicfest in the room where Yongsun might start yelling at her to get out. She’d studied her movements, noticing that she was holding back her trembles and hiding her anxieties. They were both on the verge, so she played along for as long as she could to ensure that she wouldn’t throw a fit or start harming herself in nobody’s presence.

 

Her fingers tapped her screen at light speed, typing the letters out as fast as she could and making some typos here and there.

 

“shes gor bruises on ehr arms” _5:36 p.m._

 

“lots of it” _5:36 p.m._

 

“its like smeone beat her up or somthing” _5:37 p.m._

 

“chekc her up when yuo get home” _5:37 p.m._

 

“it looked real serious” _5:37 p.m._

 

“she was tremvling too” _5:38 p.m._

 

“like ptsd or somthig” _5:38 p.m._

 

Hyejin was about to send another text when she’d received one from the addressee.

 

“Be there in 10.” _5:38 p.m._

 

Byulyi wasn’t lying when she said she’d get home in 10. She rushed into her apartment, face fuming with anger as she threw the door open and stomped her way towards Yongsun lying on the couch, not even bothering to take her shoes off.

 

Yongsun was startled as she heard the door fly open, sitting up as she watched an angry Byulyi rushing towards her. She backed away with whatever little space left on the couch as she sat up, nervous at the sight of her ex looking about to kill someone.

 

“Byul-” Yongsun was cut off immediately as Byulyi yanked the sleeves of her shirt up, revealing cuts, bruises and scars that didn’t used to be there when they were together.

 

The sight of it disgusted Byulyi. Her patience snapped, as her brows furrowed even deeper, eyes glaring daggers at Yongsun’s wounds. _He’s going to fucking pay._

 

Byulyi snapped her attention to Yongsun’s eyes, startling her. Her voice could barely contain her anger as she gripped her wrist tighter and growled, “Phone.”

 

“What?” Yongsun's voice trembled, terrified of what Byulyi was going to do. To her? To whom? The years they spent together, she hadn’t seen Byulyi snapped like this before. Sure, she’d get a little pissed with guys laying their hands on her and she’d shove her way in between them, but nothing like this at all.

 

Byulyi’s eye twitched. She didn’t have time for this. “Your phone,” she growled again, “Where is it?”

 

“I-In the roo-” her words trailed off as she let go of her arm and made a dash to the bedroom, agendas set straight.

 

Byulyi picked up the device, keying in her old password. She was half-agitated that she had to key in a pin, half-touched that she never changed their anniversary date even til this day. She swiped across the list of contacts, furious eyes actively searching for Eric fucking Nam, Nam Yoon Do, Honey, whatever pet name she fucking gave him. _He’s gonna be Eric fucking dead when I see him._

 

It didn’t take her long enough to find him saved in her favourite contacts, nicknamed ‘Yoonddong ♡’ and she silently cursed at it. _Ddong is right, he’s fucking shit._ She noted down his address, then proceeded to angrily slam the block button and deleted his contact off her phone for fucking forever. She threw it across the bed before making her way out of the apartment again, ignoring Yongsun’s calls and pleas as she brushed by her.

 

As Byulyi stomped her way out, the voices in her head drowned her mind, barely hearing Yongsun calling out behind her; telling her not to be rash, pleading her to stop in her tracks and begging her not to go. _Tell her you’ll be back, don’t keep her worrying._ But it didn’t come out quite right when she took a sharp turn and towered over the older woman, eyes dark and clouded with anguish and rage.

 

“Go back, and _don’t leave_ until I come back,” putting emphasis on certain words. Byulyi’s tone was dangerously low and dark - threatening, even.

 

Yongsun stood frozen. She was frightened by this new Byulyi she’d never seen before - the usual calm and level headed attitude diminished, leaving no traces of it behind. She couldn’t see anything but rashness past her geared up face, looking so ready to send someone straight to hell if she found her victim.

 

“Byul-” Yongsun tried to grab her arm but Byulyi swatted her hand away, brows furrowed further as she looked at her threateningly.

 

“ _Go_. Before I hurt you,” she warned, expression unreadable.

 

Fear overridden her, Yongsun could only stand still and watch Byulyi turn her back against her and leave coldly. She watched helplessly as the distanced silhouette quickly flank down a cab and sped off to wherever she wanted to go. Terrifying thoughts filled her mind as she watched her leave with fists clenched and teeth grinded. What was she going to do? Would she be in danger? Would she put herself in danger? Yongsun bit her lip, tears welling up from not finding the strength to stop her. Though, she was convinced Byulyi wouldn’t have stopped even if she did find it in herself.

 

The ride was an hour long to her destination. Byulyi placed her arm over her eyes, taking the time to calm down from all the heat, indulging in peaceful thoughts for the time being. She felt sorry for scaring Yongsun that way, and she wondered how she would make it up to her later on. But the thought of her immediately reminded her of the scars and bruises she’d seen on her arms, the pain and terrors she’d been through while she wasn’t with her and was left with fuckface. Her fists clenched, and whatever rage that subsided restored itself again. Whatever pain that Yongsun had felt during the year she was with him, he was going to feel it twice, thrice, a hundred folds more; she swore.

 

“Please drive faster,” she demanded in a firm voice.

 

At some point after Byulyi alighted from the cab, she started humming a tune to calm her nerves as she hastily made way to the apartment stated in the address. Her fingers tapped against one another repeatedly, anxious and impatient at the same time. She was itching to put her fists in someone’s face.

 

As she arrived at the doorstep, she rang the bell and waited for an answer before hearing footsteps hurrying over to open the door in a swift motion.  

 

“Yongsun?” a male figure stood at the door, face frantic and excited at the same time, but was met with disappointment the moment he realised it wasn’t the person in question.

 

Byulyi’s eye twitched at the nerve of him muttering even her name. He doesn’t deserve the right to even _think_ of her, after all that he had done to her and treated her. Her face twisted in disgust, glaring at him with all her might.

 

Her hands shot up to grab his collar forcefully, shoving him into his home and backed him against the wall. He coughed at the sudden impact, not exactly expecting someone to suddenly grapple him into his home.

 

“ _What_ did you do to _her?”_ she growled, eyes glaring dangerously into his, making sure that if he said something wrong she’d send him flying across the room _without hesitation_.

 

Panic flashed across his eyes, wondering what she was talking about. Her fists clenched up and jerked him every second he hesitated to answer. Eric never met this woman before, much less see her- _Wait, no- she looks familiar._

 

“I don’t-” he struggled his words out in panic but caught himself punched across the room, crashing into his coffee table as Byulyi menacingly looked down on him.

 

Byulyi stood over him, bent down and sat on his abdomen before locking his arms in between her thighs and calves. Her hands found their way to his collar again, pulling him up and slamming him into the ground again.

 

“I said, _what_ did you do to _her_?” her voice was threateningly low, and her fists were ready to pummel him into ground again if he said anything unnecessary.

 

“I-” Eric choked his words out, cold sweat sliding down his forehead and seeming visibly scared. He took a long look at the woman atop him, studying her details and trying to recognise who she was. His eyes concentrated on her, “I… I know you...”

 

The words caught Byulyi surprised. She released her grip slightly, and Eric took the chance to go through his recollections of memories.

 

“You’re her ex…” Her face twitched at his words, clutching his shirt tighter and making it harder for him to speak at eye level. “You’re... the one she never stops... talking about...”

 

Byulyi didn’t know what this man was going on about. She hadn’t met him before, and clearly their first meeting wasn’t the friendliest of all, so how’d he even know about her? Yongsun talked about her? Why? Her gaze were fixated on his, never losing focus as he tilted up to look at her square.

 

Eric chuckled, scoffing even, “Always Byul this, Byul that. Here I thought you were something else.” He turned to the side and spit the blood running down his nose out, looking at her mockingly.

 

“What?” Byulyi loosened her grip. What the fuck was he saying?

 

Eric took the chance to shove her off him, pushing her a distance away as she landed a few meters ahead of him. He dusted himself off and slowly got up to his feet, wiping the blood off his nose as he picked up a wooden chair nearby.

 

Eric dragged the chair across the floor menacingly, grinning and smirking as he made his way closer to Byulyi. “You wanna know what I did to her?” He lifted the chair up high, then brought it down against her as hard as he could.

 

Her eyes widened as she watched the crazed man swing a chair at her. That’s it, she had to take the full blow. There’s no way she could dodge it in time. Byulyi shifted her arms up to guard her head and repositioned herself in a fetal state, tensing up her body before the impact hit her.

 

The chair slammed into her small frame and broke into two pieces - one part flying off and the other part still in Eric’s hands. Byulyi swore she felt a few ribs broke from the hit and her arm was definitely fractured this time. She grimaced in pain, wincing as Eric threw the remaining pieces at her again.

 

He reached out to grab another one, a foldable metal chair this time, and did the same - except this time it didn’t break. Eric brought the chair up and slammed it down a few times before throwing it onto her directly when he deemed it too dented.

 

“That’s what I did to her,” Eric panted for air as he took a step back. “To get her to fucking shut up. Since she’d never stopped talking about you.”

 

If her arm wasn’t broken before, she was sure it was now, and her ribs wasn’t just broken by a few pieces anymore. The pain was intense, sharp and it was disrupting her ability to think. She could hardly breathe, her breaths were ragged as she tried inhaling in and out. Blood started trickling down her face and mouth, accidentally blinding her sight as they got into her eye. She could barely find the strength in her to stand but caught herself gripping for support as she started moving her legs again.

 

Byulyi shifted over, slowly getting back up as she started coughing blood out. She grabbed the kitchen counter for support as she got back up on her feet, pain griped at her sides as she struggled to stand. She wiped the blood on her mouth away - not like it mattered much since she started bleeding from her head anyway.

 

“You’re fucking insane,” she growled as she grabbed and threw one of the bottles of alcohol lined up on the counter at him. Ancient Whiskey from 1949? What a waste of good alcohol to just be sitting there. She watched as the bottle of whiskey crashed into him and he stumbled back, breaking into pieces against his body. He winced in pain, putting his hands up to wipe his shirt. Her hand rushed to grab another, and Byulyi dragged herself towards him, raising the bottle of tequila above his head and slammed it down against his skull.

 

Eric clutched his head in pain as he fell back down on the floor, not before Byulyi put a gash of wound on his chest with the broken bottle. He held his head in place and assumed a position similar to Byulyi’s earlier as he waited for the impact again.

 

Byulyi was ruthless, throwing whatever she could grab at him item after item. First a flower vase, then a photo frame, a speaker, his cup on the coffee table he was drinking from earlier, even lifting off the 28-inch tv and slamming it down on him. However much that costed, she definitely wasn’t going to pay for it. All these damages weren’t anywhere enough to cover up the pain Yongsun had went through.

 

“I’ll fucking _kill_ you,” Byulyi slammed the tv down over and over again until it broke into half, then slammed it again until it broke into half again, and again, and she finally threw the smaller piece at him. When she had nothing left to dump on him, Byulyi started kicking him in the stomach, and as he reached to protect himself, she’d kick him in the face, and the stomach, and the face again until he was a sobbing mess.

 

“I’m… I’m sorry…” Eric whimpered under his breath. He continued clutching onto his head as he received the blows from the enraged Byulyi.

 

“Huh? Sorry?” Byulyi almost screamed as she jammed her heels into his thighs, dangerously near his crotch. “Sorry?!” she yelled as she kicked him in said area.

 

“I’m not the one you should apologise to, you fucking asshole,” she pulled her calf back to kick him in his now very bruised and bloodied face.

 

“I’m sorry… I’m sorry, Yongsun… I’m sorry…” Eric cried, hiding his face in his arms as he ducked and hid in a corner. “I didn’t mean to… I… I just wanted you to love me…”

 

Byulyi stopped her foot before she came in contact with him again, watching him cower and apologising desperately. He looked so helpless, so pathetic, and she wondered where he even got the courage to beat up Yongsun in the first place.

 

“-But you never did… You never loved me… I can never be good enough… I can never be her…” Eric was practically crying and talking to himself at this point, as if he needed a really big slap to his face to reflect on his actions. “What do I have to do for you to love me…? To acknowledge me…? To even look at me…?”

 

“... Why would you even come to me if you never wanted to give me a chance…?

 

It went on for a few minutes, and Byulyi could only watch him wallow in his pity. She couldn’t find the strength to beat him up anymore after hearing his sudden confessions. She almost felt sorry for him, knowing Yongsun never loved him and he had to endure that knowing she would never. Familiarity washed over her as she looked at Eric’s current pitiful state. They were similar; weak, yet always giving away everything they could to the ones they loved. They were similar; that Yongsun didn’t reciprocate the same way they felt towards her. They were similar, very similar. They were both pathetic in their own ways.

 

Byulyi stepped away, remembering she had to get Yongsun’s clothes as well since she was already here. She decided to leave Eric alone for now as made her way and limped across rooms until she found the dresser where Yongsun had her stuff in.

 

“The fuck is your luggage?” she yelled from the bedroom, as Eric weakly replied “Store… room…” with much power at the first syllable and trailing off at the last bit.

 

Byulyi hurriedly, or hurrying the best she could in her weakened state, grabbed the luggage out from the storage room where Eric had informed her of and started throwing all of Yongsun’s clothes and belongings into it. Perfume, hair tie, clothes, soft toys, keychains, accessories, ring. _Ring._

 

“She never stopped looking at it,” Eric’s voice came from the door. He leaned onto the frame, hugging his bloodied stomach as he spoke weakly. Byulyi glanced at him, intrigued by his story. “She’ll always look at it every night, but she never put it on. She kept it close to her always.”

 

Byulyi kept the ring in her pocket, making sure it wouldn’t fall out. She continued packing Yongsun’s stuff as Eric watched her.

 

“I envied you,” he said with his tear stained face, “I wondered, just how much she loved you, that she never looked at anyone else.”

 

“She didn’t,” Byulyi found herself talking to him.

 

“She did,” Eric sniffed, choking back his tears, “You just never saw it. From someone else’s view.”

 

Byulyi’s hands stopped as her mind wandered back to dig out memories from the past. Memories of Yongsun leaving her replaying in her mind again, and she found herself asking once more, “Then why did she leave me?” Her eyes looked far away into the distance, leaving reality behind.

 

“She was afraid,” Byulyi turned her attention towards Eric, “Of not being able to love you the same way you did. Selflessly.” He was in a deep thought, his face expressed one of regret and envy, but he most certainly wasn’t upset. He spoke as if Yongsun had recited this to him one too many times, that even he learned how to recite it at the back of his mind.

 

Byulyi packed the last bit of Yongsun’s belongings and started heading out of the room, limping her way out from the pain in her ribs. She felt relieved hearing that, but she couldn’t bring herself to look at Eric in the eye and give him thanks after she’d so savagely beaten him up. She passed him without looking up, making the luggage the only sound that was echoing in the silence. Eric almost reached out to grab her, but refrained from the possibilities of getting hit again.

 

“Thank you,” he turned to look at her as she passed by him, “For loving her the way you do.”

 

Byulyi felt a tinge of remorse tug at the back of her head. _Maybe Eric wasn’t that terrible of a person._ And she wondered if they might have become friends had they not fell in love with the same person. It was unfortunate that they had to meet this way, beating each other up to the brink of their lives.

 

Somewhere along the way, Byulyi started thinking that maybe he was just unlucky to had fell in love with Yongsun, and that he definitely deserved someone who suited him better.

 

“I hope you find happiness,” she wished him well, looking at him earnestly before making a move out of his now crashed and burned apartment.

 

Eric smiled, “I hope you find yours too.”

 

It had been several hours since Byulyi had left for some unknown destination, though Yongsun had a hunch where she went. She didn’t have the courage to go after her, however, after seeing her buttons getting pushed. She definitely didn’t want to relive the traumatising events that happened back at his place as well. It was a new sight, and she hadn’t seen Byulyi get so mad ever. Sure, she’d seen her agitated before, hissing and telling others off for her sake but never _this_ furious.

 

She didn’t know what to do during the time Byulyi was gone. All she could do was sit on the couch, dwell in her thoughts of possibilities, and bite her nails anxiously as she waited for Byulyi to come through the door again. She did promise she would come back after all.

 

Yongsun curled up in her spot, continuously biting the skin of the tip of her fingers as she waited anxiously for any signs of Byulyi to return.

 

A click came from the door, as Yongsun snapped her attention to it slowly unlocking and pushing itself open. She jumped to her feet, anticipating the person behind the door to be the familiar blond she’d come known the past few days.

 

A luggage wheeled in first from the door - one she’d seen before - then a bloodied and bruised Byulyi followed suit. Blood was running down her face as she panted heavily, her face swollen with several bruises on it, and her arm looked severely broken judging by the way she let it hang loose. Yongsun’s hands shot up to her mouth, wondering how Byulyi even got back home in this state. Either she had the resilience of a roach or her stubbornness just wouldn’t let up.

 

“Byul- What happened?” Yongsun rushed forward, examining Byulyi’s face while she glanced away, avoiding her concerned gaze.

 

Nothing came out of Byulyi. She couldn’t quite put together the right words after she’d gone and done something completely irreversible. What was she gonna say? ‘I beat up your ex and your ex beat me up?’ No way. She totally won that fight. She turned her head, unable to look Yongsun in the eye.

 

Seeing Byulyi avoid her gaze, Yongsun reached out to gently stroke her bruised face, careful not to hurt her from her fresh wounds. She redirected her face to turn towards her, slowly applying pressure to get her to turn over. _Really, what the fuck happened?_

 

She carefully examined all the small cuts and the swollen area on her face. “Byul, look at me,” she demanded, her voice coated in concern and worry.

 

Instead of following instructions, Byulyi looked down instead. She can’t quite make out what she was feeling. Ashamed? Disappointed? Embarrassed? Maybe a mix of all 3 for behaving so childishly. She was 28, and she was out there picking a fight with someone just because she couldn’t keep her emotions in place. She snapped her head to the other direction, avoiding Yongsun’s touch as well. She didn’t think she deserved the care that she was showing her when she was out there losing control of herself.

 

Yongsun’s free hand shot up immediately when Byulyi tried to look away again, grabbing her face and forcing her to look at her. She didn’t wince or groan in pain when she did that, making it a point that she was highly tolerant to pain.

 

She looked at Byulyi again, face set and determined to get her attention. “Look at me,” her voice strong and firm. If she wavered now, then who’s going to take care of the both of them?

 

Byulyi finally shifted her glance up at Yongsun, guilty as charged. Her face wore one of regret and shame. She bit her lip, trying to hide her embarrassment and she tilted her head forward slightly to let her hair cover her face. Yongsun was the last person she’d want to see her when she was in this messed up state. She didn’t want her to think that she was weak and incapable of coping with her emotions. She didn’t want her to think that she couldn’t handle herself, much less handle others - or her. She didn’t want her to think that she was just like everybody else with a limit to everything. Or so, that was what she was trying to prove during the times when she knew her.

 

Yongsun knew that one day she’d break down eventually, but she didn’t know exactly when. Byulyi was always trying to make herself seem reliable and capable of everything, but she knew just how exhausted she was from everything she was already shouldering, that she didn’t want to be another burden to her problems. Maybe that was what drifted them apart. Maybe that was the reason why she never gave her 100 to Byulyi. Maybe that was why she decided to leave.

 

“Does it hurt?” Yongsun’s voice was soothing, almost healing to her already if she had the abilities to heal with her voice.

 

Byulyi shook her head lightly, still looking slightly elsewhere from Yongsun’s eyes.

 

Yongsun shifted her gaze down to Byulyi’s arm, examing the distorted and swollen shape forming from underneath her blazer. _That is definitely broken._

 

She glided her hands under Byulyi’s less broken arm, and directed her to the door. “We have to get you to the hospital,” she stated, more calmly than expected.

 

Byulyi shook her head again. She was fine. She just needed to rest for a few days. There was no need to go to a hospital just for a few scratches and bruises like this. She wasn’t wea-

 

“Now,” Yongsun ordered. She stared into Byulyi’s eyes, asserting all forms of dominance against her to get her to move her stubborn ass and get proper treatment. She knew what she was thinking, and a few days rest wasn’t going to cure her broken ass arm.

 

Byulyi felt her arm getting tugged on when she refused to budge an inch. She didn’t want to let her see her scars. She didn’t want to let her know that she was weak as well. She didn’t want her to think she wasn’t capable of handling her, or she might risk losing her again.

 

Her eyes stayed glued to the ground and she mumbled, “I’m not weak.”

 

“I don’t care. You’re hurt, that’s all that matters.”

 

Yongsun didn’t care if she was weak or strong, capable or not. All along, she’d been so worried about herself and her own issues that she thought she might affect Byulyi with it, that she decided not to share her plate. She was so blinded by her own problems that she’d ended up hurting Byulyi and left her to treat herself on her own. That was her biggest mistake, for not understanding her issues as well, for letting her fend for herself and for not making her feel that she was reliable enough to take on the world for her, for not _trusting her._

 

That was all Yongsun had to say to get the message across and her feet moving. Byulyi was practically limping her way to the main streets as Yongsun provided her support along the way, helping her down the steps and getting into the cab. Byulyi was quiet, deep in her thoughts as she blindly followed whatever Yongsun told her to do.

 

They were similar, yet different. They knew so much about each other, yet nothing. They tried to put up a strong front for each other, yet they were unable to cope with themselves. If there was one thing Byulyi realised while thinking to herself, it was that they loved each other too much that they didn’t want to put extra on their plates, even though they kept insinuating each other to. And in turn, because of their pride and cowardice, they’d hurt one another.

 

The check-up went smoothly, and the doctor diagnosed Byulyi several broken ribs and a broken arm as suspected. Other damages were a fractured calf and skull, minor scratches and several many bruises. She was prescribed some painkillers as the nurses patched her up thoroughly, wrapping bandages around her forehead, giving her arm a cast and making sure her torso was tightly bounded to heal right. They were about to leave, but not before Byulyi called Yongsun out for being injured as well.

 

“Can you do a check on her as well?” Byulyi gestured at Yongsun as she adjusted the cast on her arm.

 

Yongsun turned immediately, surprised at Byulyi’s sudden request for the doctor.

 

“Oh, no. I’m fine,” Yongsun coaxed. She, as well, didn’t want to seem weak like Byulyi did.

 

Byulyi stared down at her, deadpanned, as she starting poking at Yongsun’s arm, who yelped and jumped at the pain. “You might have a fracture or two as well. Get it checked.”

 

“There’s no need to waste more money on me,” Yongsun argued, pulling her hand back.

 

“I’ll include it together with this check-up, Miss. You two seem like you had it quite… rough,” the doctor spoke. “Come this way, I’ll do a quick check-up for you.”

 

One cast turned into two, as they found a minor fracture on Yongsun’s wrist as they provided her a wristguard to put on. They were briefed on the procedures to dressing the wound, what strenuous activities to avoid for quicker healing, and several other general instructions before making payment and heading home.

 

The ride was silent as either of them refused to look at each other in the eye, preferring to stare out the window and enjoying the company of the night sky, the stars, and the voice in their head.

 

The familiar beep echoed throughout the apartment as they managed to stumble in without falling, with Yongsun helping Byulyi over to the couch to take a seat.

 

“I’ll get you some water,” Yongsun was about to turn to walk to the kitchen when Byulyi grabbed her hand and pulled her in, face buried into her abdomen.

 

Byulyi slid her arm around Yongsun’s waist, taking a deep whiff of her scent as she burrowed her head further in. “I’m sorry,” her voice was muffled against her shirt.

 

“I’m sorry I let you leave. I let you get hurt,” she took a few more deep breaths in her shirt; Yongsun’s scent was astonishingly calming.

 

Yongsun couldn’t believe that Byulyi was blaming herself for her own actions. She made a choice, and she dealt with the consequences. Where did Byulyi even have a fault in this?

 

“I should have held onto you. I shouldn’t have let you leave.”

 

“It’s not your fault,” Yongsun smoothed her head. She didn’t know where to begin, or how to. She was bad at making the first step after all.

 

“It is,” Byulyi’s voice croaked, threatening to cry against her shirt.

 

“Byul,” Yongsun began, taking in a deep breath, “I made the choice. I hurt us.” The words sank deep in her as she said it. It was a painful memory for the both of them, and opening up closed wounds was never the brightest idea.

 

“ _I_ hurt _you_.”

 

Byulyi’s grip tightened against Yongsun’s shirt, pulling her closer as she started sobbing against her. Her tears were slowly soaking into her sweater, and she struggled to keep her emotions from overflowing again.

 

“Why…? Why did you leave me?” her voice was trembling, afraid of the answer Yongsun would give her, “Was it because I’m weak? Incapable? Was I not enough?”

 

 _What? No!_ “No. No, no, no, no. No,” Yongsun repeated, her voice calm and soothing. She lifted her knee up onto the couch, bending down and pulling Byulyi into a hug at a more comfortable position. _How could she think that?_ _When she’s already so perfect?_

 

“No... You’re enough. You were always enough. You were so much more than enough.” Yongsun chimed as she burrowed her head into Byulyi’s hair, “This… This was never about you.”

 

Byulyi couldn’t speak. She was finally listening to the answers of her long awaited question, and she didn’t want to miss any of it. She clutched Yongsun tighter, making sure not to let her go. If it wasn’t about her, then what? What made her leave?

 

“I was… I was afraid…”

 

It was like Eric said, she was afraid. But of what?

 

“... of myself. I was afraid I would be too much for you to handle. I was afraid… I was afraid you couldn’t shoulder my overwhelming problems, and that it would ruin you…” Yongsun confessed, “I was afraid you’d hate me if I showed you everything.”

 

Yongsun’s confession stunned her. Byulyi wasn’t expecting this - hell, she wasn’t expecting Yongsun to put the blame on herself. She pulled back, looking at her as she placed her hand on the side of her face. Her eyes were wet and tears threatened to fall at any minute.

 

She gazed into her with her own teary eyes, biting her lips and shaking her head. “No,” Byulyi whispered as she put their foreheads together, “You know I wouldn’t.”

 

Yongsun shut her eyes, basking in the warm embrace and the loving touch of Byulyi. She’d hurt her for her own selfish reasons. She’d hurt her. She’d hurt her. She’d hurt her. The words kept replaying in her head, and she struggled to keep her wails in.

 

“I’m sorry, Byul,” her hands found their way to the side of Byulyi’s head as well. “I’m sorry.”

 

A couple of hours passed, and they ended up cuddling on the couch staring into nothing after the whole breakdown between the two of them. Yongsun was leaning onto Byulyi’s less damaged side, making sure her weight wouldn’t crush her already broken state.

 

It took a while for the both of them to calm down before Byulyi took the chance to break the silence, “I can’t believe you left me for Eric Nam.”

 

The question didn’t come with surprise for Yongsun, since Byulyi always loved joking bluntly to her. “I guess, he was just there at the right time.”

 

“Did he… do this often?” Byulyi gestured at Yongsun’s bruises on her arms, suddenly curious.

 

Yongsun thought back, her mind scrolling through the events that happened and trying to recall what Eric did to her. “... No. This was the 3rd time. He only ever snapped when I started talking about you. Otherwise, he’d give me the cold shoulder.”

 

Byulyi reached her arm to pull Yongsun in closer, rubbing circles on her arm as she did so. “You talk about me,” she stated, rather than asking a question. She didn’t want to talk about Eric now, since he was already out of the picture. It was just her and Yongsun now.

 

“I do,” Yongsun snuggled in closer, resting her eyes from all the bawling earlier.

 

Byulyi hummed, approving of her actions. “What did you talk about?”

 

“Let’s see…” Yongsun started recalling back, “When he was kind to me, I’d say ‘Byulie did this for me too, she was kind and gentle’. When he was being cheesy, I’d comment on how he’d remind me of you being greasy. When he teased me, I thought of how you’d do the same.”

 

Byulyi listened, slowly taking in her words. Yongsun sighed, looking down in guilt, “It’s not fair to him.”

 

“Yeah,” Byulyi agreed. It really wasn’t, knowing the love of your life was in love with someone else. She wouldn’t wish that upon anyone even if she could.

 

They sat in silence again for a little longer until Byulyi suddenly remembered that she still had the ring in her pocket. She shuffled and reached for the ring, pulling it out and presenting it to Yongsun.

 

“I got it back from Eric’s,” Byulyi tried to fumble with one hand to put the ring back onto Yongsun’s finger, “Don’t take it off again, okay?”

 

Yongsun peered over, trying to look for the other half of the ring on Byulyi’s fingers but was nowhere to be found. “What about yours?” she whined. She didn’t want to be the only one wearing a couple ring when she didn’t even know if Byulyi had got rid of hers long ago or not. She grabbed her hand, examining the finger that used to don the ring.

 

Byulyi pulled out a necklace hidden under her shirt. She let it dangle in front of her, the ring hanging onto the silver chain making several rounds before she shoved it back into her shirt. “Safe and sound,” she smiled at Yongsun.

 

A smile crept onto Yongsun’s face when she found out Byulyi hadn’t entirely tossed her out of her life. She wondered, just how much of her that Byulyi had kept when she was gone.

 

“Byul,” she called out while continuing to play with her hands, “At the time… When I left… Why did you let me leave?”

 

It was Byulyi’s turn to look through her memories as she started thinking back. “I… I guess I was afraid as well,” she began, reliving the moments again, “I was afraid that I wasn’t enough for you; that you deserved someone better,” her expression turned solemn, “I was afraid that if I asked you to stay, you’d be unhappy. I thought you would find happiness wherever you go.”

 

“I’m happiest with you,” Yongsun cut in. She looked up at Byulyi, prompting her to look back at her as well, as they both let out a chuckle.

 

“Me too,” Byulyi leaned in to kiss her forehead, planting a long one and transitioned to leaning against her.

 

They were so afraid of hurting each other, that they eventually did anyway. It definitely wasn’t a pretty sight when it happened, and they made sure they would do anything to prevent it from happening again, even if it meant loving their selves that they so much despised. Byulyi hated herself for being cowardly and weak, unable to confront Yongsun for not offering her share of problems to her. Yongsun, on the other hand, hated herself for being overly problematic and stubborn, not wanting to put on additional stress onto Byulyi as she already had. They were both putting up spikes around them unknowingly that whenever either of them got too close, it would repel them away. They despised their ugly selves so much that they didn’t want the others to see it and hate them too.  

 

“Yong.”

 

“Hmm?”  

 

Byulyi kissed the top of her head, leaning into her ear and whispered, “No more secrets.”

 

Yongsun turned to look at her, faces dangerously close to one another. “No more secrets,” she smiled as she brought her heads together, enjoying the proximity between them.

 

They’d decided to take a shower before bed after much resting. It was about one past midnight, and they were still soaked in either bloody clothes or pajamas, and they didn’t want to wash the sheets because they were too lazy to take a shower.

 

Yongsun offered to wash Byulyi’s back since she couldn’t quite reach it without hurting herself. They weren’t at all shy when they were exposed to one another in the bathroom, rather just tracing their fingers all over the bruises they’d carried.

 

Byulyi trailed her fingers across Yongsun’s collarbone, running over bruises that were a few days old and scars that were long overdue. She ran her fingers down her stomach, feeling bumps and cuts along the way at her fingertips.

 

She looked apologetic, guilty even as she continued running her hands around her scars and wounds, “You’ve lost weight,” was the only thing she could mutter after much consideration. She knew Yongsun didn’t want to talk about Eric, nor the trauma she was put through, and she didn’t want her to relive it either. Better to shove it under the rag for now.

 

Yongsun noticed the scars on Byulyi’s wrists as she touched her, pulling her hand in for closer inspection. She counted 10, 15, and several other faint marks running down her arm horizontally as she traced her fingers all over them. Her expression mimicked Byulyi’s as she snapped her attention back up at her. “You too,” but they knew that wasn’t what they really meant.

 

The shower took longer than expected with a handicap in the toilet struggling to keep her bandages dry and restricting her movements. Byulyi couldn’t exactly dress herself without screaming in pain and Yongsun wasn’t quite trained in dressing others either, making Byulyi do all sorts of weird poses before they managed to get her arms into her shirt.

 

When they were finally cleaned and dressed, Byulyi plopped down onto the bed, exhausted. She let out a puff of sigh, “Let’s never pick a fight with a guy who uses a chair to beat girls up again.”

 

“Agreed,” Yongsun climbed into bed and pulled the sheets over her and Byulyi, her turn at tucking them in as Byulyi ordered Alexa to turn the lights off again, leaving the night lamp on.

 

Byulyi noticed that Yongsun was huddled in a distance away. She was unused to the blank space between them that was usually occupied by Yongsun. She gestured for her to move closer, but Yongsun shook her head, saying something about being injured.

 

“I can’t sleep without you,” Byulyi turned to look at her. She couldn’t sleep on her side for obvious reasons, and it was killing her that Yongsun didn’t want to get closer because of her condition.

 

Yongsun grabbed her hand and pulled it close to her, “Then how about this? I’ll hold your hand to sleep.” She planted a kiss on her hand, smiling cheekily, “Besides, we can see each other better like this.”

 

“I can compromise,” Byul grinned. It had been a long time since she was feeling butterflies in her stomach again, and the only person able to create that effect was Yongsun, and only Yongsun.

 

It wasn’t too long until they had drifted off to sleep, and it was one that was most rejuvenating to them after a long time. There were no sudden wakes in the middle of the night, no paranoia of the other leaving over the period of time, and no insomnia to keep them awake. No knife in the gut, and no twisting of it, only throbbing pain from the scars they’d left on each other.

* * *

 

Months passed and they reintroduced each other to their peers. They didn’t really refer to them as a title most of the time, rather just individuals with their names.

 

“Oh, you’re here!” Wheein’s voice called out in the distance, waving to the couple approaching. Hyejin was sitting by her side and she looked almost ready to dig in to the food stationed right in front of her.

 

Byulyi waved back, Yongsun by her side as they approached the younger two. “And this must be the Yongsun that you keep talking about at work,” she smirked at the black haired lady and reached out her hand, “Wheein,” she introduced herself.

 

“Yongsun,” she smiled as she shook her hand. “I’m sorry I haven’t met you earlier, I’ve been busy with work ever since I found a job.”

 

Hyejin waved her hand, “Don’t worry about it, we see each other all the time.” She was practically drooling at the meat sizzling in front of her. She hadn’t eaten all day, and suddenly Yongsun-unnie offered to treat them to a meal. Of course, she’s having it.

 

“Wasn’t talking to you, Gremlin,” Yongsun pinched Hyejin’s nose as she winced in pain, joyfully playing along as she pretended to be dead.

 

They shared a laughter at the comedic duo before they took a seat and began heartily conversations with meat and alcohol. A joyous occasion, for some reason.

 

“I’ve heard many things about you, and the two of you actually,” Wheein started as she put the fresh meat on the grill.

 

Yongsun turned to Byulyi, almost dangerously slow before looking at her with disbelief, “What did you tell her?”

 

Byulyi put her hands up, surrendering before anything even happened, “Nothing! Really, I swear!”

 

“Yeah, nothing except how Yong this, Yong that, Yong is the greatest girl in the world,” Wheein exclaimed loudly.

 

“She made that last part up,” Byulyi said nonchalantly as she poked at the meat.

 

Wheein did the same as well, attempting to fight Byulyi for said piece of meat, “Yeah, I did.” she paused while waiting for Yongsun to stop laughing, “But really though, ever since she broke that few several bones, I think she’s constantly been on cloud nine. It’s such a miracle, doctor!”

 

“Yes, and to think we had no more hope for our beloved patient!” Hyejin put her hands to her chest as she looked at Byulyi dramatically.

 

“Hey, shut up. I wasn’t that moody,” Byulyi swatted Wheein’s chopsticks away as she fought for the meat, attempting to hide the bright smile on her face.

 

Hyejin turned over to Yongsun again as she made the dramatic action once more, “Oh, please! Wise Yongsun, how did you manage to save our patient in such a critical condition?” she put a hand over her forehead, making it seem like she was almost fainting.

 

Yongsun laughed again, as Byulyi stabbed the meat and placed it on Hyejin’s plate. Her face was beet red at their embarrassing performance and all she wanted was for them to shut up. “Eat your food,” she demanded.

 

“Yay!” Hyejin exclaimed before putting the meat in her mouth.

 

Wheein looked at Byulyi in horror, “Hey, that was mine!”

 

“Okay, you get one too,” Byulyi placed another freshly grilled meat on Wheein’s plate. “Now, shut up.”

 

“Yay!” she exclaimed in the same way Hyejin did.

 

“Ugh, kids,” she grinned as she looked over at Yongsun. “Do you want one as well?”

 

“Yay!” Yongsun acted in the same manner, mimicking the younger two as they burst out in laughter watching the oldest make such childish actions.

 

Wheein laughed and clapped her hands, “She fits right in!”

 

“Welcome to the club!” Hyejin raised her cup of soju up, gesturing Yongsun to do the same as well.

 

They all put their cups up, clinking the glasses as they chewed on food and meat. “To Byulyi’s less moody days, and Yongsun’s official membership of the loser club!” Hyejin downed her shot as she set her cup down.

 

The rest of them did as well, as they laughed after the drink.

* * *

 

Yongsun would be lying if she said things hadn’t changed for her and Byulyi. There were no walls between them now, and that could be for the better or the worse. It could mean more arguments from their different perspective of views, but less secrets from understanding them. They’d make up almost immediately whenever they had a bicker, or Hyejin would stomp into their apartment and stop their fight from making too much noise.

 

However, whenever they would do something stupid by themselves, they’d let the pain they had suffered remind themselves to talk to the other; lest they make the same mistake of hurting each other again.

 

The few months were filled with assuring words, gestures and sensible thinking. None of the rash and bashful actions that they used to have when they made their own decisions without consulting the other. They’d learned to listen, they’d learn to understand and they’d learned to love.

 

Yongsun wasn’t lying when she said they could probably take on the world now, because that was exactly how she felt whenever she talked things out with Byulyi. They’d have their mishaps sometimes, but Byulyi would end up supporting her anyway even if she crashed and burned from the stupid decisions she’d made for herself. Regardless of what they did, there was always support and they wouldn’t feel the most terrible if it didn’t work out in the end: because they were there for one another.

 

They were lying in bed, the familiar scenery replaying in their minds as they laid in each other’s arms, bodies sprawled and legs entwined. For some reason, they were both restless that night.

 

“Byul?” Yongsun called out, soft, but enough to be heard, “You asleep?”

 

“No,” Byulyi’s voice was clear. She really hadn’t been sleeping, like she was in deep thought or something.

 

Silence filled the air again for a brief moment before Yongsun broke it, “Can I ask you a question?”

 

“Yeah,” Byulyi smoothed her head underneath her chin, rubbing small circles on her shoulder with her other hand.

 

“Do you think… Do you think we would have been the same?” Yongsun paused, “If I’d never left.”

 

It almost seemed like Yongsun was reading her mind when she asked her question. Byulyi stopped her motions for a moment, short enough to not be noticed that she was startled by the exact same question that had been recurring in her head for a while now.

 

“No, definitely not,” Byulyi leaned in to pull her closer. “We would’ve just been lovers.”

 

“Then… What are we now?” Yongsun asked, her voice genuine and curious. She’d been pondering about this for a while, neither referring to either of them as friend or girlfriend, just Yongsun and Byulyi.

 

“What do you want us to be?” Byulyi snuggled in closer, afraid of the night wind.

 

“... More…” Yongsun began, her voice trailing off from falling asleep.

 

Byulyi smiled against her, breathing in her scent again. She smelled just like strawberries and cream, with a hint of fresh ocean waves now. “Then, we’ll be more.”


End file.
